Tuesday, June 29, 2004

You would think, given that I only live next door, my mother would have been able to give me a little advance notice that my new patio door was being fitted today - it's not a lot to ask, surely. But no - the first I heard of it was when Jack came in my bedroom at 7.15 this morning demanding the key.

I had to fly around the house with the Dyson, picking up half a rainforest of Sunday paper, empty wine bottles, clothing etc. I haven't done anything all weekend and the place was a tip. I've just shut the kitchen door and hoped the glaziers don't get thirsty or need the loo - they would have to battle through half-emptied weekend bags, shopping bags ( I found a fantastic underwear sale yesterday, it was a bit extravagant of me, especially as I don't get paid until tomorrow, but a girl can never have enough foundation garments, and corsets are definitely a fashion direction that suits my Jessica Rabbit-prone figure) and shoes to get to my en-suite, and then I dread to think what they might find.

I had hoped to be going home to new French doors, but the miserable Loss Adjuster would only cough up for one replacement panel - still it will be nice to have the scent of the garden wafting in of an evening - shame it also allows Darius to bring in ever larger mammals - many a night has been spent chasing him and a mole/baby rabbit/albatross around the lounge - which reminds me - I must pick up cat food on the way home.

Monday, June 28, 2004

My week started well. Up on time, good tunes from Wogan, sunshine, a dividend cheque and a smile on my face from my chat with The Throb last night. Could it possibly get any better?

F*** me, yes! I had a huge pile of post in my pigeon-hole - always makes me feel good, sign that my insecurity still lingers. It took me nearly an hour to get it all asigned to the right files, what with all the calls and the need to use the new toaster. But the day went off well - all mail answered, and even a few files from the pending pile dealt with - and then at a very punctual 4pm, I got an email from that sexy solicitor - I just know he waits til his post is signed and then sends me a note.

I had thought about not replying, but I've never been cool and a few short emails later, and we are chatting, and chatting, and chatting - 2 unanswered calls to Jack and an hour and a half later, I leave work, move my car and meet the girls I should have seen at 5.30, who have by then eaten, for a coke and a fulldown on life chez Chez!

It wasn't all Me! Me! - but it could have been - I am so brimming with enthusiasm right now - and I suspect from where they were sitting it was. I will make it up to them in Knicker Exchange!

Sunday, June 27, 2004

I was reeeeaaaallllly dancing last night. I do love a good boogie, especially with a handsome man to swoop and twirl me about - and there was no shortage of them lining up to mark my card. The best was Jim The Gardener, mainly because it was the first time I'd met him (and his lovely wife) and I get a thrill out of being able to follow a new lead. But I can't forget Tomlinson, take a pinch of music, a large dash of wine and it's not long before we are cooking up a party of our own.

He is such a cheeky rogue and it's always a bit dangerous - I'm currently sporting the bruises to prove it!

Vickie must have been right when she told me over coffee yesterday afternoon that I had "F*** me" tattooed all over my forehead. I'll spare you the gory details, but let's just say I've definitely found my form and can count myself a hardened hedonist once again.

So today has been spent very lazily. Fortunately, no hangover appeared - largely soothed by the lyrical sound of Irish burr down the phone at lunchtime. Now there's someone I could do the horizontal tango with! and a bit of Throbbing never did anyone any harm.

Saturday, June 26, 2004

It's my First Knickers Day!!!! The anticipation has been immense - what would they be like? who would they be from? was I wrong in ruling out dental-floss-esque styles?(anyone that knows me will be siding with my better instinct on that!)

So - white, lacy, hipster midi, French styley! Very nice actually - and as I haven't done any washing this week - arrived just in the Knick(!) of time! from Julie in Gloucestershire - I have a sneaking suspicion she might be a friend of my cousin Jennie - the lazy buggers in Hull haven't done it yet!

Gosh! I bet you are wondering what on earth I'm going on about! I know discussing my underwear is a bit extreme even for me. I've taken part in a Knicker Exchange. I was a little taken aback when I got the letter - very much like a chain letter - in fact, it IS a chain letter - but as it was from Lisa, who in turn had received it from Ali, I could hardly refuse - and it's hardly onerous.

All you had to do was send a pair of brand-new-label-still-attached-no-trying-them-on-or-letting-your-boyfriend pants to the persons name at the bottom of the letter. I sent Ali a sexy black and pink thong thingy - I think John would have liked it too. Then just send on the letter to 6 friends, with the instruction to do likewise.

Eva refused - think she was a bit embarrassed that she might not have so many friends - either that or she doesn't wear knickers when Roger is around and doesn't want to run the risk of him finding out that she does wear them normally - and will always be in large, tummy-hugging stretchy nylon numbers as soon as ever they are married. Better just not to open the topic!

I think everyone else is game! Kathryn was so keen, she sent out at least a dozen letters - I can't wait to get the knickers from her friends - they are bound to be posh!

I'm going to go and try on Julie's gift now. I'll keep you updated on how many and what type I get.
I've missed my secretary -she's been poorly sick for 3 days now - I've just had Ling to do my bidding - and she did great for the first 2 days - but today! I gave her my completions to do - only 10 today and all purchases (bar one which was a very straightforward sale) - they were all t'd up and couldn't have been an easier day to start - she did well - but she thought she did outstandingly well - she was smugger than ever this afternoon, and kept bustling into my office every 5 flipping minutes - I shut my door for a reason, being "I'm busy - I vant to be alone" - Jacquie knows that instinctively - Ling obviously sees it as a challenge - or an invitation to irritate me as much as possible - she was outstanding at that!

So, tonight I was home just after 8pm - had a good long chat with Eva - God! she gave me some great material for my book - then Jack came home and went online - I fell asleep - only just woken up (3.45am) - and I've missed the Throb - means I've got to wait til Sunday at the earliest now - and I'll need an early, pre-school night then! Bugger!

But I did have some fun with that cute solicitor before I left work - dinner is now just a few emails away - I can feel it!

Oh! and I went shopping in an extended lunch hour - get me! having a break on a Friday!! I could get used to Ling after all! - tried on loads of tops in the sales - and the only ones that fitted were 14s!!! and then some were a bit baggy! Didn't find the perfect corset-style top I was after, but got a very acceptable scoop neck chiffon number which will look great with my new leather skirt tomorrow night.

And given that the Throb is clearly sleeping, Imight even manage to be eye-bag-free for this party - so all in all, I'm reeeeeeeaaaallllllly looking forward to this party tomorrow!

Thursday, June 24, 2004

My uber-efforts at work are paying off - down to my last large pile of files to work on - but it has more to do with the fact that the strain has finally taken it's toll on my secretary, who is currently nursing a nasty rash, enlarged glands, and a puffy face - I've told her to stay at home as long as it takes - I already have a propensity to all those traits and don't need any added assistance from my assistant.

It made me feel much better about skiving off at 6.30 to pick Jack up for the pre-season training pre-training meeting at the rugby club. I was dreading it, if truth be told - new coaches, likely to be much the same as the previous bunch, taken one too many punches in the scrum, unable to wear the trousers at home, and not clever enough to know what to do with a little bit of power -parents, some of them very vociferous and inarticulate, others just subversively grumbling between themselves, a couple just anxious to get as much cheap ale down their necks as possible, and me just sitting smilimg, staying schtum (apart from the odd bitchy comment which I knew few would understand, only the ones who are on my wavelength) and taking it all in.

I wasn't that disappointed - the Chief Coach could at least string a sentence together, but it was quite self-indulgent - I took notice of the bit about being fined 50p for being late - that'll put an end to my all-night chat sessions next weekend - Jack took absolutely no notice whatsoever of the bit about turning up in clean boots, suspect that'll be down to me still - and yes - the parents were already finding things to moan about. Their points might be valid - certainly in the case of the self-appointed fundraiser - don't know what it is about her but she rubs me up the wrong way - not that I'd want her to know,I can imagine she takes no prisoners in a fight - but give it a chance I say - season doesn't start 'til September (and if I keep losing weight at this rate, I'll be in a 12, and the only mum on the touchline in a mini skirt and crop-top, ditch those baggy jumpers, Cherrypie!) and the boys need to get fit, together and focussed on an enjoyable, competitive season of tough rugger. The boys are looking great - some of them a bit spotty, but they are growing so much - can't believe they were only 9 when I first met most of them - seems like last week - and now shaving!!!

I'll miss the first training session on sunday morning - party saturday - don't expect to have stopped partying by that time - but I am looking forward to meeting up with the parents again - they are mostly lovely people, sport-politics aside, and we do have a laugh on a day when I would otherwise be mouldering in bed.

Oh! and the other interesting thing that happened today? That cute solicitor - he dropped me an email on what I think was a very lame pretext of wanting to copy one of my drafts - we plagiarise all the time in our game, so he needn't have asked - and what's more, I'd only cribbed from his contract, but with the odd Cherrypie device, but it did earn me an offer of alcohol - just hope it comes with dinner!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I picked one of the best ever matches to miss by all accounts. I'm sure it didn't compare to the exciting time I had checking through a particularly cheeky Lease, complete with a stunning Flying Freehold, a remarkable Chancel Repair problem, and a bit of adverse possession! Now you occasionally see a couple of these at once - but 4 altogether! Fantastic!!

It just kept getting better when I got home too. There were quite a few of my regular e-chatterers online - the beer and high-spirits must have got them in a friendly mood 'cos they all wanted to chat. I had to take it in turns to chat to them, trying to juggle each so as not to spend an unfairly long time with one, to the exclusion of the others.

The Strawberry Date Dish was on his new webcam as well - very brave of him - I of course, was very very sober (it being a school night, and having to be aprofessional interviewer this morning) and therefore probably disappointed him by just sitting smiling, occasionally flicking my hair about and generally looking a bit daft and self-conscious.

The Dynamo was back from his holiday and had managed to edit all his holiday snaps so I was then treated to a slide show of various parts of European coast.

Just as I was about to go to bed, the Throb came online - he does it every flipping night - impeccable timing - always as I'm about to log off and get some kip - and yes, I know I could still do that, but there's just something about him - maybe it's that I know my mother wouldn't approve - I know I shouldn't approve! - maybe it's 'cos he's a bit different - exotic even - if you can call Northern Ireland that! I'm going to have to meet him sooner or later 'cos I'm starting to do what I've seen others do with me - and that's start to imagine it's real almost - I need to be brought right back down to reality! and I will be, I'm sure of it.
Anyway, too busy for the next couple of months so it's not an option.

PS. I was asked what a scent library was - see my answer to the comment below - honestly! I would have expected a more discerning readership! but I'm flattered I have any beyond Eva and Rachel - and that's only cos they can never get through on my phoneline anymore - just like to check I'm still ok - not lying unconscious somewhere, being feasted on by my hungry cat - while the rest of the world fails to notice I'm missing.

Monday, June 21, 2004

I must be the only person not watching the England-Croatia match judging by the groans and cheers I can hear from the pubs outside the office - and they are all quite a way off so I dread to think what is happening out there. I was keeping up with it on Yahoo Sport! but it froze at 43 minutes - I think we've just gone into the second half having equalized. It sounds like I'm missing an exciting match -typical!

But then how many people will turn up for work tomorrow having polished off 4 client reports with 6 full tapes for their secretaries to get cracking on. I'm interviewing tomorrow so I need to make sure I'm on the ball (no pun intended, see above). I hope England take the lead, my lovely new boss might show his darker side if not, and I wouldn't wish that on the poor interviewee.

Right! It's 9pm - I want to get out of the office and back to the car before the ugly Northern yobs pour out of the pubs, braying for blood. and more importantly bafore my friendly little off-licence man shuts!

Sunday, June 20, 2004

Why do the weekends go so quickly? and why do I never seem to achieve any of the things I plan to do? I just about manage to do the washing, give the place a very very quick once over, and then it's Sunday night again and I have to think about getting up early.

I love long lay-ins at a weekend - would be better if I had the Sunday paper delivered, and a handsome man to bring it to me along with a cup of coffee - he could read the Sport pages, and help me with the Crossword (but only if I asked him - I wouldn't want him starting it before me), and then insist I had another cosy slumber while he got on with the lunch preparations! Aaaahhh! To dream.

I did at least get over to see Dad this afternoon. He seemed thoroughly underwhelmed with his posh Penhaligons scent library, but little Emily was thrilled with her Beauty Box that I'd bought her as a special treat from her big sis. I was dying to get her to open it and try on the glitter gel and hair mascara but her mum had other ideas and told her to keep it for when she next had a party to go to - spoil sport.

I never did the usual girlie stuff as a kid - I always had my head in books - or wanted to play on the rope swing with the boys in the wood opposite, until the local farmer recognized me as one of the kids playing Chicken - swinging out just as he came down the hill, he told my Dad and that was an end to that for the summer - we had to decamp to the local river and swim off the slipway - until the local eel-farmer recognized me as one of the kids riding a bike off the jetty just as he was coming down stream...............

Kathryn was always the girlie one - she had a huge Sindy house - ex-display from the local toy shop - every single item of furniture and accessory then available - she used to get really cross when I snuck in and put Action man in very compromising poses with her dolls - funny - she never picked up any of my books, and she always hated playing Scrabble with me.

Emily's a bit of a girlie girl too - so I bought her some stilts for her birthday this year - boys toys were always much more fun - somethings we never grow out of!
I should have the mother of all hangovers today, as I was still chatting on the phone 'til a ridiculous hour. I was probably talking jibberish too. I smashed one of my favourite glasses - only 1 left now- I shall treat it carefully.Wonder I got up in time for this athletics thingy today. Jack told me it was 12.30 so I rushed about like a mad woman - got half way to York and realised it was still only 10.30 - the little sod had tricked me - so we pulled into Safeways at Willerby and had a big breakfast - nothing like it to set you on your way for the day./

Jack came 5th out of 8 - not bad given that he was a good 2 years younger than most of the other combatants. He enjoyed it too - much less nervous than last week. But he has a really swollen chin from his fight last night - looks like a lop-sided hamster. He's really embarrassed about it. It's just so typical of him - his form teacher had taken my mum on one side yesterday to have a quiet word about Jack - not a grumble this time - apparently he's a dream to teach at the moment and long may it continue - then he goes and does something stupid like fall out with the lad down the road. Kids!!! and me so young!! No wonder I have grey hair!!

Talking of which, Super Danny is putting some more blonde in on Thursday - move over Debbie Harry - Cheryl has entered the arena!

Friday, June 18, 2004

Martin rescued me from another late Friday in the office with a very well-timed call inviting me to the pub! I was happy to accept - I've not seen much of Martin since I started my fab new job and he makes me feel a little guilty about it - but then I did introduce him to Sophie, and I hope they both remember that in a few years time when they are choosing Godparents for their first born.

I had to let him buy my Diet Coke 'cos I'd left my purse strewn across my lounge floor along with most of the contents of my handbag, having left hastily this morning - v late for work and cussing a handsome tall Irish cutey who manages to get me into trouble despite being hundreds of miles away and my firm resolve to go to bed no matter how funny or appealing his messages might be! I really must learn to get some more will-power!

I collapsed on the sofa when I got in just after 7 - I managed to grab a few winks before the phone rang and disturbed my slumber - it was Jack- he'd fallen out with his friend and needed picking up. Normally by that time on a Friday I'd have poured the best part of a bottle of wine down my neck and would have had to send him home in a taxi - but having slept, the wine was slowly reaching room temperature and I was still alcohol-free - apart, of course from the remains of last night's excess still seeping out my pores. So I obliged, thinking he would be waiting meekly on his own near Kwik-Fit. How wrong was I!!

There was a mob - not kidding - with Jack in front - I drove around the roundabout and pulled up on the brow of the hill, expecting him just to get in and maybe give Torven a lift home too. I wasn't expecting a brawl to erupt over my bonnet and Torven to start thumping ten bells out of Jack - and then kick my car!!! He's so blonde and quiet - and Jack was not retaliating in any way - not that I imagine he was entirely blameless - but he's twice the size of Torven Cosmo! and is very aware of the damage he can do - he was ever so upset on the way home - crying, apologising - it all started over a daft bobble hat - see they are just still kids even if they are starting to feel a bit more grown up and don't know what to do with their testosterone.

Anyway, he's gone to bed after a bath and a cuddle with his mum - he's got a big athletics meeting tomorrow - and then he's hoping I'll take him to the Designer Outlet near York on the way home but I'm hoping it gets too late - I like having money left at the end of the month instead of the other way around. But I also like having a very lovely son, who really is maturing incredibly well - and just the best company ever - shame his friends are not all quite at the same state of development yet - glad I'm not a teenager anymore - just behaving like one!!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

La la la! La la la! La la la! la la la! la la! England!! Wow! What a performance!

I watched it via my Yahoo! Sport online commentary and then listened to it in the car on the way home. I didn't dare watch it live, having turned on the match in the 98th minute on Sunday and given it the kiss of death! And my reticence was rewarded - perhaps tomorrow is a day to braoch the company car issue, given the good mood my Lovely New Boss will be in!

I've had invites to 2 posh parties today as well - one after the other - result! Just got the details for Jack's County Athletics meeting too - if he does well at this, he goes through to the All England Schools' Tournament - he's more interested in going to the Designer Outlet on the way home to buy some new rugby boots and deprive me of more cash - but I've agreed, what price future fame! Move over Jackie Stallone - Cheryl's entered the zone!

I can't get this horny feeling out of my head either - not eased by the fact that my favourite rugby player is back from holiday and emailing me again - and my Mister Sunday is being very attentive - Come on England!!
La la la! La la la! La la la! la la la! la la! England!! Wow! What a performance!

I watched it via my Yahoo! Sport online commentary and then listened to it in the car on the way home. I didn't dare watch it live, having turned on the match in the 98th minute on Sunday and given it the kiss of death! And my reticence was rewarded - perhaps tomorrow is a day to braoch the company car issue, given the good mood my Lovely New Boss will be in!

I've had invites to 2 posh parties today as well - one after the other - result! Just got the details for Jack's County Athletics meeting too - if he does well at this, he goes through to the All England Schools' Tournament - he's more interested in going to the Designer Outlet on the way home to buy some new rugby boots and deprive me of more cash - but I've agreed, what price future fame! Move over Jackie Stallone - Cheryl's entered the zone!

I can't get this horny feeling out of my head either - not eased by the fact that my favourite rugby player is back from holiday and emailing me again - and my Mister Sunday is being very attentive - Come on England!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

My pleas have finally been heard by our super-efficient Office Manager - I now have a large oscillating fan keeping me cool. My request for a sun-bronzed bare-chested handsome mute with an ostrich feather fan standing behind me drip feeding me grapes was ignored but you can't have everything.

It's not arrived a minute too soon either, having spent most of the afternoon playing ever cheekier and flirtier email tennis with a cute, and I suspect newly-single, solicitor who I used to deal with a lot when I worked in my home town. Our paths have crossed for the first time in over 8 years on a friend's house purchase - it's so much more fun when you can inject some humour into what could otherwise become a dull legal process.

There are some boring old farts in this game - too stuffy and far too serious to be taken seriously - thankfully, they are a bit of a dying breed - even solicitors have to recognise that they are performing a public, client-centred service - not doing the public a favour by allowing themselves to be instructed and paid handsomely for it. The only ones that tend to get paid anything like a decent return now are estate agents!

Mind you, most of the agents I deal with regularly are really helpful, like Sarah, bless her, who spent all afternoon phoning removal companies to find a van for one of her sellers for tomorrow, just so my clients, who were further down the chain could move the day before they go away after a very stressful 3 month delay. It worked - contracts were exchanged by 3.30pm - client is delighted - so much so he offered to take me on holiday with him at the weekend - if only I'd managed to find an assistant who I can rely on to cover for me, I might just have taken him up on it - I've got to know he and his wife quite well from our daily chats and emails.It won't see the same next week!

Oh well! What I can be sure of, is that there will soon be another to take his place!

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

It looks like I'm going to have to go over to Leeds mid-week if I have any hope of seeing The Ring this side of autumn. Eva's following Roger around the country every weekend. She promises she won't be the type of girl who never makes time for her friends once they get a boyfriend - and I do think she means it - just not yet.

No doubt she'll be moving to Sheffield soon - that's ok - I don't mind going out there - although I do prefer Leeds - but as Roger quite rightly pointed out, we do invariably sit in Eva's lounge and get pissed so we could do that in any city. Guess we'll have to play Trivial Pursuit more too 'cos we will only need to go through half the "why haven't I got a boyfriend" conversation.

Right! I'm off to the Scales of Terror - wish me luck!

Monday, June 14, 2004

I am The Last Single Person in Cheryl's World. Eva is officially engaged - ring, the works!
It's all been a bit quick,but I'm not surprised and I'm utterly thrilled for her - except she's talking about having the kind of wedding where no guests are invited! I always expected that of her - and I do respect it - but I assumed there'd be an exception for me - I've picked evil black spines out of her feet on the first day of our holiday,for goodness sake! You would have thought that would count for something!

Anyway, I am quite looking forward to being the only one dating - now that I sort-of-ish am - well at least getting out of the house and off this toneless telex offspring. I'll have much more interesting stories to tell at dinner parties than how Rupert changed a fuse in just one sock - he was so brave! and what the interest rate hikes mean to their holiday destinations!

Now! I'm not bitter - just practising!

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Debbie Harry is a Goddess! Ok - so she was backlit and had fans blowing her platinum retro hair, but there is no denying that she has It! and she can sing and move, one of the sexiest things I've witnessed - last year's Rugby World Cup aside.

In fact, I had the toppest of top nights - not only was the entertainment phenomenal, I had good company, good food and a new leather skirt which I picked up for pennies just when I thought I was going to have to go to the concert in my old jeans. Can a day get any better? I even came home to sexy text messages from an even sexier handsome tall guy. I had to have an early night - the excitement was too much - I was in bed by 2.30 am - alone and smiling.

This weekend has to have been one of the best I've had in years - Jack took part in his first ever athletics meeting yesterday - it was also my first encounter with athletics - could have done it at school if I'd bothered to ever take part in PE and drag myself out of the music practice rooms - but I didn't and I wouldn't have changed it for the world. But I'm so proud of Jack - he was the smallest of the competitors in his shotput event (and that's at 5'8"), representing his District - he came 3rd - and now represents the County at York next weekend - I am so proud!

I can't think this week will be half as eventful as the last has been, already Mr Monday has postponed - so I'm now preparing myself for the work schedule of a Junior Doctor - on the pay of a junior nurse ( by comparison) but I'm happy, a bit freckly from sitting in the sun ( I had to decamp to Rachel's garden 'cos my step father was too evident with his greenhouse to enjoy a proper sunbathe at home) and feeeeeeelllllllllin' pretty God Damn funky! Bring on Week Commencing Mon 14 June!

Friday, June 11, 2004

I've made it to the end of the week and I still have some energy left. Quite remarkable given the number of late nights I've had - that Pro Plus stuff must be seriously good - either that or my body approves of the tee-total evenings I've had this week.

It's been quite eventful, well, for me at least. I'm beginning to see the benefits of knocking all the extra-curricular committee-ments on the head leaving me time to either really crack on at work, or else start to have a social life again. I've packed as much into this week as I would probably have done in 3 months this time last year. That's not to say it's masses, but by my standards it is - I've had 2 social encounters with men, spent a few hours with 2 seperate lots of old friends , catching up on each others lives and tomorrow I'm going to a gig with yet more friends. I'll have to watch I don't burn myself out!!

And all this in a week when I should have been sitting a Public Law exam which I managed to wriggle out of on the pretext that I was still getting used to my new job. I don't feel guilty either - I couldn't have performed as well at work if my mind had been on that, nor would I have had time to revise, so each area would have suffered - and I'd have been mostly wanting to lie on the sofa under a blanket in a semi-inebriated state.

Instead I have had a cracking 3 months and will have payed for my annual salary in bills delivered by a week on Thursday - anything after that until February is sheer profit - so I feel I have rewarded my lovely new bosses faith in me - justified my miraculously cured bank account (if anyone had told me this time last year that it was anything but terminal I'd have scoffed at them - but this - it's almost biblical in its transformation, there are still a few old wounds but they are healing quite nicely and not giving me any pain whatsoever and the experience has humbled me into being much more careful with my spending habits - just a bit concerned that Jack is showing signs of the illness) - and have interviewed quite a few potential candidates for my Conveyancing Assistant's role with a few more in the offing - so there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The best of it is that people have started noticing the weight I've lost,(now that can't be good grammar - surely they notice the weight when it's there in the first place, and miss it when it's gone) and I'm beginning to lose some of my inhibitions as things like my waist reappear.

And all these great things happening to me right now cannot be more aptly-timed for I fear I am about to become THE ONLY SINGLE ONE in our small but happy circle. Yes! Eva has been popped the question - she hasn't answered it yet - well at least she hadn't as we were texting one another as I drove home from failed-salsa attempt in Derby (the Evil Forces had simply conspired to get me there too late to make the class, no other reason)but she must be taking it seriously because she's already thought about her hen night or at least Roger the Fiance's suggestion that I could go over, we could sit in her lounge all evening and she could wear an L-plate on her back! I could not think of a more fitting way to celebrate! Nothing too far removed from one of our ordinary social nights but with a passing compliment to the traditions the occasion warrants - and if we stayed in instead of going to Barcelona, Dublin or Blackpool - we'd be able to afford Cristal, so we'd feel that we were particularly stylish and happening girls about town - had we bothered to get ready and go out.

He clearly doesn't know what will happen as my confidence continues to increase and the true me starts to reemerge from my winter shell - he'd better tell his best man to watch out!!

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

I was up and at'em this morning and would have been an hour early for work,(think it might have had something to do with the endorphins released by chatting to Mr. Sunday, Mr Thursday-Night, Mr Next-Monday and Mr Weekend-Later-in-the-Month simultaneously last night - good job I'd stayed on the bottled water, wouldn't have wanted to get those messages mixed up) but I decided to use the extra time to make an 8-mile, half hour detour to the car hire place to pick up the gym bag and other stuff that I'd left in the Astra boot. I didn't think I'd have time tonight and didn't want to leave myself with an excuse not to go see the Cheese Nazi and her Scales of Fortune.

My conspiracy theory proved to be valid again! They'd only just gone to pick the car up, from the garage which I pass every morning on my way to work. They promised they wouldn't be long and suggested I wait - so I did - and I did - and I did - I rang my secretary to let her know where I was (20 minutes before she would have expected to see me, and made sure I stood where she could hear the traffic so she would believe me and not think I was just making up ever more elaborate excuses for having over-indulged on the internet the night before and overslept), I waited so long that another 5 minutes didn't seem to matter. I was so pleased to see the shiny car drive in, and dashed straight across to the driver as he got out. Sure enough, he knew I'd left some things in the boot, but he'd helpfully left them at the garage!!!

So I'd waited best part of 45 minutes for nothing! I'd been had again by the vicious Evil Force that prevents me from getting anywhere early ever, despite my best efforts - and it's not like I hadn't phoned them first thing Saturday when I realised what I'd done - I'd been so careful to ensure that I safely removed Jack's Gangsta Rap rubbish (which I've found myself singing along to a few times now - worrying) that I'd forgotten all about the stuff I'd put in the back.

Oh well! I got my £50 fuel deposit back and filled a Customer Satisfaction Questionnaire telling them about the dodgy fuel gauge. I don't think I'll be Customer of the Month somehow.

I made sure the payment slip fell out of my handbag when I got to work so my secretary could see that I hadn't been making it up. I feel guilty even when I know I've done nothing wrong.

And now I have no exercise clothes or trainers and time to make up at work so there's absolutely no way I'm going to Fat Club - guess I'll just stay here and drone into the dictaphone for a while longer - I don't want to go online tonight 'cos I'm interviewing with my lovely new boss at 9.30 in the morning for my assistant's position and I want to be all bright eyed and bushy-tailed. I've got away with it so far this week but I can't run the risk of getting lured in by one of the deceptively-charming, but probable servants of the Evil Force that delays me everywhere I go.

Monday, June 07, 2004

It has been glorious sunshine outside today apparently. I've had to take everyone's word for it 'cos the only window in my office looks onto a grotty inner courtyard full of pigeon guano and rats, probably. I can't wait to move upstairs into my new office. It has 3 large windows, a huge old fireplace and a large walk-in cupbord, currently housing half a dozen filing cabinets - they are having it decorated for me! I get to pick the colour scheme! How exciting! I have wondered about suggesting they turn the glorified filing cupboard into a plush ensuite shower room so I have somewhere to get changed when I turn my attention towards running in my lunch hour- stop spluttering Eva! I used to go after work along the river bank so why not during the day?

We had a shower room at my old office. It was a double shower - always made my mind boggle why but then the boss was a very strange man! There was only really me that ever used it - well at least openly - living so far from work makes it difficult if you have anywhere to go in the evening. The first time I used it was just before a Works' Christmas party. I had a head full of conditioner when I noticed the water wsn't draining away. I panicked, I really didn't fancy a huge inquest into how I had managed to block a brand new shower and flood the new offices. I had to turn it off, splash myself with all the soapy water in the shower tray, and then turn it back on very quickly to rinse my hair! I was not impressed! It did give me something to provocatively tell the boss about after a few glasses of wine and alerted them to the fact that the plumbers had filled the waste pipe up with mastic, or whatever that squirty sealant stuff is called. It took them a week to come and unblock it - my scummy hair-filled water stagnating there the entire week - yuk! Not my proudest moment.

I've just talked myself out off having them plumb this cupbaord for me - I'll just use it to lock my secretary in when she threatens to revolt!

Sunday, June 06, 2004

Ladies! There are handsome, sexy, well-mannered young men on this thing! I know! I just met one.

The Newton Bombshell!He was a little bit late,(only a few minutes but they seemed to go on forever) not his fault-accident-I managed not to run away but it did take a fag to keep me there and then I wished I hadn't. I was really nervous and wishing I'd chosen one of my fab new summer tops rather than my safe cashmere jumper- not a great choice for a hot early summer Sunday. I was really tempted to head back home and change - but the longer I dithered, the less of an option it became.

My trained teenage assassins were on alert and texting me for money for ice-creams - bless, this internet-dating is becoming as much a part of Jack and Boo's weekend as mine. I promised them a fiver to stay discreetly in the background. I spotted him driving in - and then didn't know what to do - should I stay by my car and watch him search? no - being a Taurean I took the bull by the horns and walked up, legs of jelly, hoped he wouldn't notice them, being all pale and not my greatest feature.

We lounged in the sun sipping champagne and munching on strawberries - very civilised. He was cool as a cucumber ( pointless apparently), not even phased when he poured half his fizz down his leg. I was really wishing I could suck it out for him but I'm sure I didn't give myself away. I can flirt like mad with someone I know is safe, but put a stud in front of me and I dry!

I would quite like to see this dark-haired Bomb again but doubt I will. I get the impression, without him actually having given much away, that he tends to go for tall leggy blondes with few brain cells - or maybe tall leggy blonde doctor types - either way, not short, chubby red-heads with teenage bodyguards in the background. The fact that he didn't give much away spoke volumes and I didn't want to keep asking questions in case it felt more like an interview than an afternoon in the sun. It was really a pleasant few hours and I can't wait for the day that I don't feel quite so inhibited by my weight and can actually flirt to my utmost ability - I'm really good at it and quite enjoy it but I am finding it hard to get back into the swing- and shy doesn't suit me!

I didn't go straight home but popped to see an old school mate and his wife for 20 minutes which turned into 3 hours and a pretty fab barbecue with his mum dad and 5 month old baby (he was 11 weeks premature so still very tiny). I noticed an ugly black bruise on my knee which I hadn't spotted earlier - maybe it was from when I kicked myself all the way back from the park.

Any way, all said, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about myself - sun and good company at the weekend has helped- a dancing date on Thursday, dinner the week after and a potential trip to Belfast in the offing all combine to keep me smiling and away from the cheese board.

Right - work!

It's 5.30 am - just woken up on the sofa where I fell asleep about midnight - probably earlier as the telly was crap - I was determined not to be up all night chatting inanely to strangers so I've had a result - drinking water now and thinking about bed.

I've got a date today. I've bought so many new clothes lately I don't know what to wear.

Bed! Sleep! Worry about it later

Friday, June 04, 2004

I thought yesterday was bad! It was! But not a patch on today.

I broke myself imposed curfew of midnight on a school night and stayed chatting on the internet til a stupid hour this morning, having opened a bottle of wine, washed down with a glass of Port!

So, of course I was late dragging my sorry ass out of bed which put everything behind for the rest of the day. I've just spent the entire day chasing my own tail! Completions all went well - thankfully only sales so not too demanding - but all my exchanges have just collapsed in a heap! The most unlikely people have pulled out nothing more than a whim! Leaving one of my oldest friends and his wife in a right old mess! I'll go and see them at the weekend and take them a bottle of wine - little consolation for having potentially lost their dream home, but a sympathy token nonetheless.

I've just taken the traitorous hire car back and picked up my own - she looks so nice after a valet - but that's left me over £120 light of pocket after having had a couple of measly bulbs fixed to get her through her MOT.

Now I'm back in the office - it's bliss not to hear the phone ringing - and about to start on this morning's post mountain. By the time I'm done, I'll be ready for a shower and another bottle of wine - but then it is the weekend! Think I have another date on Sunday! This one is really handsome and just the right age - 37 - Geordie too so likely to sound nice. Best have an early night tomorrow - face pack, foot scrub, the works, maybe I could just get a body double! Yawn!!!

Right - to work!!

Thursday, June 03, 2004

I don't know why I bothered getting up today. Yesterday was bad enough - £75 at the vets before even 9am! - but at least Darius has still got his eye! Jack had a sleepless night thinking he'd lost it to a big nasty street cat! He was so traumatised he even asked to come to work with me! Spent the day helping with the photo-copying, filing and post and enjoying being asked if he was on work experience from college and watching everyone's reaction when they heard he was my 13 year old son - I got a bit fed up with the comments about our comparative heights, specially as he leans nonchalantly on my shoulder at any possible opportunity! He particularly liked the jokey m-pegs my boss kept sending him until I pointed out to them both that I had work to do and neither of them were there for fun!

Yesterday did end slightly better when we headed into the UCI on the way home. I managed to stay awake through 2.5 hours of Harry Potter - a recommendation for a film if ever there was one, given my extreme fatigue by that point.

This morning I took Jack and Luke rock-climbing, or at the least, that was the plan. I hadn't actually booked it so I was stuck with 2 boys, kitted out for extreme sports, in the centre of a rainy Hull with everything shut except the shopping centre. The did do a bit of ice-skating, but soon got fed up when they fell over too much and realised there were no pretty girls to impress so they went back to the cinema and Jack sat through HP again - poor Luke, hope he didn't have a running commentary throughout. They still managed to munch through money like there was no tomorrow -but if it left me in peace at work I figured it was worth it!

It came as only a mild surprise to me when the brand spanking new hire car made a small cough on the way home, just as I was approaching a very busy roundabout, at the height of the rushhour. I had heard how economical diesel engines are but even I was beginning to think there might be something wrong with the fuel gauge after it had apparently only used 1/8th of a tank after 432 miles! So we then waited patiently for half an hour, accompanied by teenage stereo farting, for the AA man to come and rescue us. I was just glad no-one passing would recognize my car - not a hint of mud, peeling Iron stickers or bent bumpers in sight.

I managed to get Jack home in time to go out for a birthday tea with his grandma while I headed off to a bereavement client, only 15 minutes late. That went better and my woes have now pailed into insignificance.

Jack's back now and screaming for the keyboard - so I'm going to have a very small glass of wine and then maintain my early to bed routine for yet another night! It's nearly the weekend!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

I was horny as heck yesterday! Haven't known myself to be like it in years - it quite surprised me! I'd forgotten what a sexual animal I can be! One whiff of male hormone, even over cyber-space - and I'm keening! I did the only thing a self-respecting bitch on heat with no outlet can do, went to the Designer Outlet!

Armed to the elbows with posh bags that we could barely carry, even given the lightness of my purse, Jack and I drove home happy, accompanied by The Streets - apparently acceptable to teenagers given the level of obligatory swearing - and equally welcomed by Mum - it has poetry and humour and angst -like it!

I enjoyed driving the hire car too - great to get to 110 without your foot to the floor completely and know you won't have to suffer for it at a later date - it took me 40 mins to get to York! Whoosh! Baby, I'm flying! Took a while longer to get home 'cos I took the scenic(?) route through Selby - Jack complained that I was driving too slow, at 85! Guess who won't be allowed to drive alone til he's 29!!

I had a great time when I got home with all my smelly posh candles and body lotion - even enjoyed trying on my new SIZE 14 tops!!! I'm singing! I'm dancing! I'm hot to trot!