Monday, May 31, 2004

Forgot to mention the biggest thing that happened to me today - i got into a 14!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 30, 2004

I took the hire car for a spin this afternoon - to meet a man. I was a bit nervous, Jack was also worried for my sanity and decided to come along with his friend as an unseen body guard. They were all set to cut holes in my Sunday Times and Boo picked a spot at the top of a very tall tower from which they could maintain discreet surveillance. I gave them a fistful of notes though, so they had soon forgotten all about me and were headed for the nearest record shop.

In the event, I was in very safe hands. He was charming and I think even more nervous than I! I'd changed the venue at the last minute - I didn't fancy waddling around a nature reserve in Shantung silk mules, plus I didn't relish the thought of 2 giggling teenagers peering at me from behind binoculars - so Lincoln seemed the better option - something for everyone to do. I recalled my earlier foray into this field and was careful not to repeat the mistake of aimlessly wandering and steered us quickly in the direction of a smart bar where we proceeded to sup coffee and while away the afternoon getting to know more about each other. Much better to have eye contact and the chance to use body language - and it seems to have worked - he's online now and still very keen to chat - even talking about meeting again. Phew! So maybe I'm not entirely repulsive to all except the care-in-the-community community.

So all in all a pretty good afternoon. Thanks, Peter - I promise I'll leave the Killer Teenagers at home next time.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

Another bank holiday. This one was meant to be different. I actually had plans. I was going to North Wales to see Jack's grandma and auntie (I do a very good avoidance of his Dad without appearing obvious) but Lisa called the other night and cancelled - uncle's very poorly and they are spending all their time at the hospital in Liverpool. I fully understood and we'll just go over in a few weeks time. I'm left feeling a little disappointed though.

I used to see my annual visit as a duty call- just so Jack would know who his father's family were - and neither of them could blame me for keeping them apart when he grew up. I didn't think we had much in common. I really enjoy going over now. Lisa, Jack's auntie, is lovely. She's a couple of years older than me, and much prettier. She's not well but you'd never know it from looking at her - she just keeps going. Kevin, her partner, is an all-action hero with a fab TVR and June and Arthur, Grandma and Grandad, are salt-of-the-earth types who'd give you their last ha'penny. Stephen's not all bad either, I just don't have call to see him anymore - Jack's big enough to go on his own now - thankfully.

We never do much apart from shop at Cheshire Oaks or wander around Chester. I had intended to spend a fortune this weekend, new clothes, new shoes, all for me for a change. Oh well! I can't seem to be able to get rid of it at the moment - a sure sign my mood has lifted.

Now what should I do? I have a brand new Astra to play with, on hire courtesy of the chap who ran into the back of me, or at least his insurance, whilst my rear end is fixed. I'm dead chuffed not to have a flipping awful Corsa. I've explored various options; Kathryn is busy so I can't go to London to see my sis; Eva is free tonight and will probably come over after she's been to wish her Grandma happy birthday but I can't leave Jack on his own so Leeds is out, Rachel is probably sick of the sight of me,and even Marko, my old faithful fall-back, is working and obviously doesn't want to accommmodate an ex from 6 or 7 years ago and his godson.

That leaves me with internet options. If I was brave enough, I'd go over to Belfast to meet a cheeky rogue who's caught my eye. My hunky rugby player is away on holiday so there won't be any scrummaging there for a few weeks. There are 2 or 3 cute guys in deepest Lincolnshire who I might meet. I'm certain there will be no romance but it's likely to be a lot more fun than cleaning out my kitchen cupboards, or mopping my floor, activities that I do not want to be repeating on yet another bank holiday, when everyone else I know is having a loved-up long weekend.

That's it decided! RSPB Nature Reserve it is! I always want to Hide on dates so it's the perfect choice. He'll recognize me soon enough. I'll be the rare visitor in summer plumage and totally impractical heels.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

It's almost 8pm and I've just finished preparing my completions for tomorrow. I don't like to cut it that fine, there are enough things that can go wrong and cause enough stress for me as it is, without the prospect of having forgotten to request mortgage funds and not a hope in hell of getting them in time for the clients to move. I've never actually done that in over 16 years but there's always a first time, and I seem to be chasing my tail so much just lately that it could strike at any time!

Fingers crossed, they all look reasonably ok - a couple of estate agents haven't got their bills through to me yet so they may have to wait a few days to get paid - so there are some benefits to being overworked! Cup half full, girl. me!!

My lovely boss and I have interviewed a potential new Personal Assistant for me tonight. I'm not sure whether she'll take the job - she is likely to see it as a step backwards given that she is currently running the show at another firm, albeit by default when the solicitor left and wasn't replaced immediately. She's probably not quite ready to be in the deep end with us big fish yet and is floundering about a bit, a few years under my expert fin and she'd have the makings of a good career - but anyway, we'll see what happens. She's very tall, slim and blonde - and did I mention 21? -but she's got massive feet - canoes for shoes -I like to know I'm better shod than my junior team players. Listen at me - Eva's coaching is beginning to play off - my first instinct was to say "underlings".

I'm off home now, still another 45 minutes drive but the scenery is really pretty and if I'm lucky I may just see the sun setting over the Humber Bridge. I've done really well the last few nights and more or less gone straight to bed when I've got in rather than sitting chatting to interesting cyber-hologram men. I've had a really stressful long day today and know I've got an even worse one coming up tomorrow - normally a trigger to reach for the Shiraz to help me forget about it - but I've got to be up early to take my car to the garage. I'm getting a hire car while it's in the plastic surgery unit. Not sure what but the lovely lad from the hire company promised me something of a higher grade than a bloody awful Corsa or Fiesta! I'll probably get an Astra! Oh well, I can just pretend I'm a Sales rep as I drive across the Pennines tomorrow night! It's got to be better than being a Conveyancer on the last Friday of month before a bank holiday and half-term!!

Sunday, May 23, 2004

One could be forgiven for assuming that my sallies into dating land are starting to pay off, given that I have spent the afternoon in the company of a very lovely member of the opposite sex with a swollen apendage. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth - I have been visiting my scrummy godson who recently underwent a little boy's operation and is now enjoying running around in the sun with the perfect excuse to go commando. He is such a brave little soldier!

It was a really pleasant afternoon, sitting in the garden, soaking up the sun, chatting idly, and then enjoying a delicious salad. Steve was a little anxious that Jack, being 13 and having a masters in computer games, would beat him to the next level of his latest excuse not to finish the 101 DIY jobs that Rachel finds for him the minute he gets home from his busy manual job, but he needn't have worried (Jack confessed in the car on the way home that he'd actually finished that game well over 6 months ago, so he had no need to compete).

I considered stopping off at the cinema on the way home. Jack was unusually willing to venture in with me, I suspect because he knows none of his friends go there on a Sunday evening so he was safe from being spotted unfashionably with his mum. In the event, my excesses of chatting on here over the past 2 nights caught up with me and I opted for the quickest route to the sofa and my paper.
I've abandoned that safe haven now, after enduring 5 minutes of Hells Kitchen! I thought TV was supposed to be entertaining! Awful presenter! Awful chefs! Awful vehicle for washed-up sad old has -beens! (Amanda Barrie, you were great as Cleopatra and I really liked Alma - but pleeeeaase!)

I am absolutley not going to be on here for long! Busy weeks starts again in less than 9 hours and I want to be able to hit the phones running! But I might just hop onto my friendly website, just to see who's there and how my newly-posted photo is doing - I'm big on the Continent by all accounts.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

I've done very well this week - only 1 really late night at work! I haven't exactly been shirking my duties, at least I've been trying to devote some long-overdue time to some of my charitable activities - oh! and having a facial! Wow! Did I need it!?!

I was buffed and rubbed by Anna - delightful, wee thing with mad Bjorkish bunches - I decided against the hi-tech lifting doobrey! My looks may be fading but I'm not ready for that yet! I opted for the deep cleanse instead. It was heaven! I nearly jumped off the table when she started the shoulder massage! But after a minute or so, it was bliss - I particularly enjoyed the ear-rubbing thing she did - it only lasted a few seconds but my ears haven't been touched by human hands (I still controversially use cotton buds) for almost 5 years - you just don't realise what you are missing sometimes!

I've decided that I deserve a bit more pampering - that's rather a radical turn-of-thoughts for one who hasn't really felt worthy of self-attention, let alone that of others, for some considerable time - so I've booked another for next month - and I have absolutely no guilty feelings whatsoever, which again is refreshing.

The calming effect of the massage had beneficial side-effects in addition to that of my complexion - I went to work in a much better mood than I'd left it the night before! Snapping at my secretary over 25p really isn't how I like to run my ship! Well! Honestly! She could see I was up to my neck in it, trying to get everything ready for my 30-odd (some more odd than others) families that I had moving today, and all she could do was hover for 5 minutes to talk to me about a minor (25p) discrepancy on a Completion Statement! Can no-one else ever see the Bigger Picture? I was more concerned that my 3.8million pounds worth of property would move.

Eva has played a minor, potentially disastrous role in my week. I foolishly sent her 2 photos of diametrically opposed men who I've chatting to - both very charming in their own way - to see what she thought.I wrongly assumed, given that she works for a large corporate venture, that she would be reasonably computer literate and that my emails would remain private - and in a way they did - save that her replt that she "preferred the lanky one!" was sent not to me - but to the hunky rugby player! Fortunately, he has a fine sense of humour and a well-developed competitive streak - so she may have done me a favour in the long run - least I now have a potential new salsa partner - our lessons start in 3 weeks. Wonder how many pounds I'll lose by then?

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

4 lbs! 4 whole flipping pounds! That's more than twice the size of Tutty's premature young son! In 2 weeks! Olympic dieter, or what? and that's without any effort (throwing myself around Eva's front room in my pyjamas to the strains of Shang-a-Lang doesn't count - although I either pulled a muscle or my sciatic nerve is offended!)

Didn't work out tonight, on account of the offended Gluteus Maximus - but I skipped home - did I say skipped? I meant drove, very slowly 'cos I was so tired from having allowed myself to be chatted at for hours last night on msn - via the car wash - she looks so much better, and now I can see through the windscreen facing the sun, much more reassuring for me and other road-users - does that make me eligible for a discount on my insurance do you think?

At this rate I'll be raiding Eva's wardrobe again by September! Or I might just treat myself to a whole new one! and it will not be from George!

Monday, May 17, 2004

I decided at 3.30pm today that I would resign from my Charity position - I had not even started to look at Friday's post, let alone today's and my in-tray was higher than my washing pile at home! Something had to give and my charitable indulgences seemed the obvious choice! I rang the new Chair-in-Waiting and told her I would be taking a few months sabbatical - I meant it! I came off the phone all proud of myself at having finally said "no!" - not an expression I've used often as a 30-something single mum!

I went to rescue my carat 6.30pm from the multi-storey with every intention of going back to the office but the further away I got from it the more I decided the work would still be there tomorrow - so I started to drive home and before I knew it I was in the car park of the Baptist Church - venue for the AGM! Well, I had invited the speaker, would be rude not to show my face!

I'm pleased I did - the proceedings started perfunctorily - I found myself agreeing to remain as Publicity Officer! (joke! - I write the odd editorial for the paper and run a Ball or 2!) I could have kicked myself after all my brave words on the phone about being too busy but then I never could say no!!

But my speaker! What a delight!! A localish-ish Funeral Director! Not your normal choice of bon vivant, but an absolute pearl! Funny, compelling, witty, discreet, compassionate,and extremely respectful to the objects of his dialogue (and dialogue it was with audience participation encouraged)! He has a book out in a couple of weeks - " Yours,Eventually", 120 stories randomly collected over 30 years as a funeral director - if his delivery of half a dozen of those anecdotes tonight are anything to go by, he will have you in raptures and tears for the small price of £6.99!! Mark Tyack!! He'll be big - you saw it here first!

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Well that was a pleasnt weekend. Eva & I tried out the new Bibi's venue in Leeds last night - 30's decor - allegedly £3million - well spent but not that convincing - we would have both preferred to see Eurovision on the widescreens than Robbie Williams, but the clientele more than made up for the lack of tack on the silver screen - no Emmerdale stars easily spotted, but lots of wanna-bes and hairdressers!

Talking of which, my hairdresser horribilis was sitting right next to us! He was hired by my former coiffeuer d'amour in Harrogate when the deliectable Adam had to take a break from cutting. The new guy had good credentials, ex-West Row, but dire client-flattery skills! He earnt himself a listing on my people-not-to-wish-well-to list when his answer to my recently-dumped needs for ego-boosting hair-do's was that he was a hairdresser, not a miracle worker! I'd driven 80 miles (ok, so Scunthorpe to Harrogate is probably further than you'd normally go to a hairdresser - but Adam was worth it!), was prepared to spend a weeks salary on my crowning glory - and he made me feel like a bit part in a low-budget soap!

We watched him negotiate his ostentacious Lobster Thermidor(he didn't have a clue how to eat it) whilst his pretty Date picked at her prawns - then we left hoping they had been too consumed with themselves to hear our commentary on their body language.

Eva was reasonably well-behaved, given that she'd wielded a carving knife at me earlier, purportedly in jest, but I know how bad her hand-eye co-ordination is- I was genuinely disturbed! and all because I couldn't get the cork out of the Champagne bottle! She fell getting out of the taxi - she does live on a very steep incline which is not high-heel friendly - but then she wasn't wearing killer heels and had drunk the lion's share of the wine! I laughed - she tried to karate kick me - but the wounds( deep, very bloody) meant she only managed to hit my shin, which is now sporting a lovely puce bruise. Her knee looks much more impressive and will surely earn her lots of sympathy from her celebrity boyfriend when he flies back from the Emirates tonight.

Today was spent in sleepy Snaith at Alistair's 3rd birthday party. The sun was shining on him and all the grown-up guests his parents had invited - family mainly. Eva amazed everyone with her ability to remain in the same room as a toddler for more than 5 minutes without tears(both of them appeared remarkably relaxed and comfortable with one another - anyone who knows her will know that is worthy of comment)and I cruised his big brother's housemate from behind my dark glasses - very tasty but a tad too young.

They're into Civil War re-enactment. Debbie could easily talk me into a serviing-wench's outfit - and apparently I get my pick of the Officers! I've booked a weekend at Oakwell Hall in my diary for July and I'm practising my Cornish accent - seems so much more appropriate than Lincolnshire High Speech!

Thursday, May 13, 2004

I wasn't exactly skiving off early tonight - I mean, ok, so I went to the hairdressers at 5 o'clock but he is a client so it was just like I was still working reeaaallyy! Albeit whilst having my roots done and a few blonde highlights dotted here and there (and he did it for free on account of that fact that I was still working!!!)

He's lovely, my hairdresser - Danny - handsome, funny and unstereotypically straight - what's more he's newly single and gets changed into his football strip to blow-dry my hair! And I don't even have to pay him to do it, he's just getting ready to go straight to his 6-a-side game as soon as he's finished de-HattieJacquesing me - when one of his mates or his equally dishy (and also remarkably unhomosexual) brother are there too, passing the masking papers or holding the ceramic straighteners, I can think of nowhere better than to relax from the rigours of a stressful week. Bliss in a bottle!

There'll be more about Danny over the next few months - very hush! hush! But I'm quite excited about it - professionally of course.

Tonight is the first time in almost a month that I've left the office before 8. I'm on nodding terms with the homeless guy who sleeps in next door's entrance - good job he hasn't got a lap-top or I'd probably be considering accepting a date from him! I've been spending so long at my desk, I'm due a company catheter by June! I'm really not complaining - I love the job and I am very aware that it is not expected, or wished of me, but being a new job, I'm all eager and anxious to make a name for myself. The downside is that where I am usually prolific enough during normal hours to keep 2 full-time secretaries and an assistant busy, doing all this extra means that I ideally need a small army to get through the work I am producing - so it's self-perpetuating, the more I do, the more there is to do, the more I fell I must do!

It's working wonders for my weight-loss! I finally managed to find 2 minutes to heat up a tub of soup at 4.15 tonight - I literally had chance to take 4 mouthfuls inbetween answering the phone and signing letters before I had to dash out ( 15 minutes late, but then when am I ever on time) for my Danny Date. So really it's a win-win situation - the clients are happy to be moving, I'm loving the feedback from the agents, and I'm rebabeing all at the same time! Must confess the first 2 are coming quicker than the last but Rome wasn't built in a day - and nor were my fat reserves!

I rang Eva from the office last night, apparently she's being trying to contact me for a couple of weeks but didn't want to leave a message on my musical answerphone. We are seriously considering hitting Leeds this weekend - her new, pleasingly unusual boyfriend is away working (in Dubai, comedy, can't imagine what his stand-up routine will go like - no I don't even want to try!) so we are toying with the idea of getting the girls together and spending some long overdue quality time with one another. Mind you, if it's anything like the other week, we'll get too pissed on champagne to bother to get ready and end up dancing around her living room to Bay City Rollers, with a bit of Dolly, Madonna and Kylie thrown in, culminating in me emoting wildly to Neil(God)Diamond. My kind of night!

But tonight I will be mostly wearing my dressing-gown in the vicinity of the sofa, watching TV (until my brain goes numb) and wishing that fantastically rejuvenating head massage had been more global.

Monday, May 10, 2004

I'm really pleased I did as I was told for once and stayed away from the office all weekend. The piles of files were still here when I walked in this morning but they didn't look half so threatening and imposing as they had at the end of a very tiring week. I've whipped through them today, well that was once I'd seen 9 sets of clients, responded to about 50 emails and answered a constantly ringing phone. I had only managed to dictate 3.8 minutes-worth of work by 4.30pm, then I had to rapidly sign my post before getting my last clients of the day in to sign their contracts. They were a really young couple buying their first house - they were so excited - wonder whether I'll be acting for them in 2 or 3 years time when they are moving onto their next house, perhaps one with a bigger garden and nursery for the children? or going their seperate ways as more often seems to happen.

The rest from work has definitely done me good, but it nearly got me into deeper water than I had intended. After the experience with Hann the Mann last week I had firmly decided not to even think about meeting anyone else until I was feeling more confident, slimmer and had my roots done. Easy for most people, easy for me too I thought! But since when did I do anything easy! I forgot to factor in the effects of marinading myself in a few bottles of wine over the weekend, culminating in me suggesting to a witty young man from Derbyshire that we go on a mini-cruise to Holland for our first date! It seemed like such a great idea at the time! I've never been on the Hull ferry even though I see it everday on my way to work and he seemed such a nice young man.

Fortunately, he appears to be quite a sensible, mature gentleman, despite being a mere 30 years old (Gosh! Eva would be so proud), and recognized that perhaps I had allowed the wine to cloud my judgement so he didn't go straight to the P&O website and book a 2 for 1 as I had insisted he do! I think perhaps it would be wiser to meet for a drink and chat first, before co-ordinating our holiday plans, just not sure when given the state of my diary over the next few weeks and my inability ot leave the office much before 8pm (it's 19.47 now technically I've finished work, not doing any more tonight - just taking advantage of the peace and quiet and lack of friendly msn interruptions!) At least this time he's seen what I look like, a further side-effect of the alcohol-consumption being my lack of inhibition in using my webcam (I stayed clothed, Eva! Even wine can't stop me being hopelessly shy about my body), and he's still wanting to talk to me which is a positive sign.

I'll have to go and see the Cheese Nazi tomorrow and let her scales decide the verdict - loss of 4lb or more I'll agree a date, anything less than that and he'll have to wait! (If you are reading this I have never lost more than 3 lbs in a week so far, so don't warm the car up!)

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Blissful day! Slept 'til about 11 having spent far too long talking to a would-be accountant from the North West and a very unusual Irish giant - it was mad - my son would have been shocked - I certainly was! Anyway, I lay in bed for the entire Jonathan Ross programme reading - not my new novel but a foodie magazine, got all inspired and headed for my temple, St Tesco, as soon as I'd deloused myself in the bathroom. I see everyone in there(Tesco - not my bathroom, it's big but not that accommodating) so it took some time to get around - then I had to head for the rugby club to drop off the Player of The Year shield which CM has to pass on to this year's Superstar of the Park! His old, sadly-missed coach was there propping up the bar - I think he had a soft spot for me as he used to play against, and compete in the after-game bar with my dad. I recieved a very warm reception and some mighty fine compliments. I would have quite happily drawn up a stool and passed a pleasant afternoon with him but I had to pick CM up from some roadside close to where he and his mates had been climbing trees - every time I worry about how fast he is growing up he goes and does something charmingly juvenile and lulls me into a false sense of security about my ability to get through my thirties grandchild-free!

I picked up a DVD on the way home and have just spent the last few hours with Helen, Julie and the rest of the Calendar Girls - loved it! But why does someone else always beat me to these fabulous ideas! First Helen Flipping Fielding and now a bunch of ageing, greying women from a sleepy North Yorkshire backwater with better figures and more spirit than me! Unfair! But then again, all the ideas I have would probably land me in a Libel trial, so maybe fate is kind!

I've decided I am going to try and write - but my printer has different ideas and won't let me see the start of the BBC's books - will have to hope the office manager is too busy to notice me downloading partly-formed manuscripts from a non-legal website next week! Aaaarggghhh! Now I'm thinking about work! Somebody inject me with Gin - quick!!

Friday, May 07, 2004

I did it! I pulled the rabbit out of the hat - again! God! I'm proud of myself sometimes. I managed to complete the nasty old down-in-the-mouth dentist's sale so he could move into his new hutch with his buck-toothed wife - I did it for my own client and the other lawyers in the chain - part of me was really quite annoyed that such a horrid bully boy got his way but then I'm a better, more charitable person than him, and the gratitude it afforded me from my colleagues and the agents was worth it. My lovely new boss even gave me a bottle of champagne as a reward for my stupendous efforts and forbade me from going anywhere near the office this weekend - much different to my old boss who would have taken the credit for it himself somehow - and then promptly asked me to spend my leisure time writing some banal report for one of his many pointless meetings.

I'll give you an example of what he was like - there was one night last winter when I was staying late trying to get some urgent things on tape. It had been snowing all day and there was no sign of it letting up. My old Scroogey boss popped back into the office, probably to ring a girlfriend or pull himself off in the boardroom and was most concerned to see me still slaving away at 8pm with the prospect of a 30 mile journey home along country roads. He was clearly worried I might not make it in the car (or indeed back again the next morning) so he kindly informed me that he had no problem with into a hotel? staying the night in the guest room given that he has a huge 5 bedroom house and there's only him and his adorable long-suffering wife left at home? go home straight away before the weather worsened? No!!! It was quite acceptable for me to put some of the chairs together and sleep in one of the backrooms! I could hardly believe what I was hearing!! And to think I stuck it out for 7 years!

So now the weekend is upon me again - I cleaned the house last week so I can't do that again for a good few months! CM is staying at his mate's so I'll pray they stay up in his room surfing for porn or something rather than getting themselves arrested! Saw most of my friends last week and I haven't done anything since deserving of an anecdote to amuse and entertain them. Can't think of anything I want to buy - (Christ! My depression must be lifting! never thought I'd hear myself saying that!)My ex, my safety blanket when I'm terminally bored, is working away so won't be around to play with me. So I'll just have to sleep late, lay in bed even later reading the new novel recommended to me or finishing the last one, and generally slob out - no phones, no demanding clients, no pushy pseudo-lovers! Singledom has its advantages!

Thursday, May 06, 2004

Horrible day! Yuk! Yuk! Started badly - didn't get out of the wrong side of bed, just got out too late! Thank goodness my secretary is trained to give me a wake up call when I don't appear within half an hour of my ETA! I finally did battle with the dreaded Sasser worm last night and had a bit of a cyber fest into the bargain - well it was his birthday! and he is very cute! Anyway, the birds were up before I was even tucked up - must remember not to do that on a school night again! But it was fun.

Culminated in some awful bully of a client - someone else's, not my own - calling me to tell me how dreadful I am and that if he can't move tomorrow he is blaming me personally and expects me to pick up his hotel bill if he can't move into his new des res at the exact time of his choosing! I was incredibly calm, polite and expect a nomination for Customer Service of the Year award! I apologised that I had been unable to see my client ( his buyer) at the precise time that he had been available to come and see me, and tried to explain that my diary had been solidly booked - being a Dentist he might have understood! - I had seen him at the first available opportunity this week - 10.30 Tuesday - and promptly dispatched my final searches and cheque requests - the fact that a leading High Street lender cannot guarantee my client's mortgage money will be with me tomorrow is a result of the crazy state of the market - not my fault, nor is the fact that the undoubtedly-clever-and-talented bully of a Dentist has booked his van despite advice to the contrary from his own solicitor! He nearly got to me, just 'cos I was so tired - my instinct was to scream, rant, rave and cry - all at the same time - but I took a leaf out of Eva's book and she would have been so proud of me! My secretary hugged me afterwards, and the Law Grad who I'm training at the moment has started looking at me in awe - my boss promptly cancelled his registration with this guy's practice and supported me 100% ( he is so lush, my new boss!)

I'm over it now - and infinitely proud of my power to not cry when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball under my desk and sob for England!

Tonight, Matthew (Peter, David, and Dean), I'm going to be Ali McBeal - but without the fab clothes, protruding neck bones, phantom babies and boyfriends!

Thank fuck tomorrow is Friday!

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Work is crazy this week. I thought it was manic last week but all the people I couldn't speak to then now need me urgently - it can be nice to feel wanted but this is just daft. I'm taking advantage for a few minutes to write some drivel though, 'cos I can't get online at home - a chap from btopenworld thinks I might have been struck by this awful worm that is doing the rounds! The cyber version of genital warts! Yukk!! I'll try his gynaecyberlogical cure when I eventually get home tonight - hope it's earlier than my 10.30pm finish last night!

The ups and downs of the weekend are but a distant memory - my head is full of deadlines, restrictive covenants and the sound of phones ringing - someone even called my directline at 9pm last night! And were not surprised when I answered it! I really must pencil in time to get a life in my diary!

I've just seen Ian, the car park guy. He was relieved to see I'd survived the blind date. He made some very flattering comments, I think he's always had a soft spot for me, but then I was 25 and a size 10 when he first met me, and he does spend his working day in the basement of a multi-storey car park - think the lack of sunlight might have affected his eyesight - look what it did to Gollum!

Being offline seems to be having a surprisingly beneficial effect too - some of the chaps I might normally have chatted to are sending me very sweet e-mails, mind you they haven't met me yet! I do have a great face and figure for remote communication.

Anyway, I can't put off this pile of files which is threatening to collapse onto me any longer - nose back to the grindstone....

Sunday, May 02, 2004

I finally did it! Got off the sofa, threw on some clothes (not my first choice but they were in the wash) and went to meet a man! A proper, real, living, breathing man!

I was really nervous - much more so than before an exam - I sail through those and the examiner never cares how huge your arse is! I spent ages faffing about and running backwards and forwards to the loo - CM was getting really frustrated 'cos he wanted dropping off at his mates, and I couldn't tell him where I was going! After I'd looked in the mirror for the 20th time he finally screamed "For Goodness sake, you look beautiful and you're only going to the flipping office!"

We'd arranged to meet at a tourist attraction close to my office. I parked the car in my usual spot and had a quick chat with Ian, the car park attendant, just in case the police needed to piece together a re-enactment for Crimewatch if the softly spoken Scot I'd chatted to on the phone turned out to be Hannibal Lect(ur)er.

I walked over the newly opened footbridge, audibly convincing myself to calm down, take a breath and get a grip. What was the worst that could happen? Well, I suppose he could enjoy the Chianti without sharing it!

I spotted him fairly quickly, his back was turned to me, but I recognised the purple shirt - not too many of those around in Hull - and the salt with a sprinkling of pepper hair. I think he spotted me pretty quickly too. I could feel myself blushing from my toes. How I managed to walk down those steps without my legs, which had turned to blancmange, giving way, I do not know.

Anyway, a very ambulatory afternoon ensued - there were no thunderbolts and I was quite relieved that he didn't dive straight into the Humber! I couldn't think of a single witty thing to say, so I didn't - I was more concerned with the fact that my new Spring collection cotton skirt was rapidly riding up my thighs on my tights.

The actuality of meeting a man was not as daunting as I had imagined but that probably had more to do with him being polite and not fancying me in the slightest. Meant that my jiggly bits were in no imminent threat of discovery.

Went home feeling quite calm and relieved but my PC wasn't playing, all my friends were, but with other people, so I naturally had a glass of wine, and another, and before I knew it I was breaking the rules and texting - not my proudest hour - and that is why, my friends, I promise to you that when elected I will introduce compulsory breathalysers on all technological equipment!