Sunday, December 19, 2004

Well if you'd told me this time last year that I would be happy chatting to unknown men online, I'd have laughed, nay scoffed, at you. The suggestion that I might even pluck up the nerve to meet one of them would have been met with curt disdain. The internet is a place for paedophiles, porn-junkies and pit-faced geeks surely. And besides which, even they would have rejected me as too old, too fat or too human.

It's a mark of how far I've come that I met not one but two of my long-term cyber-buddies today. I was very happy and relaxed to do so and delighted with the results.

I almost didn't make the first meeting - I'd got caught up in a quasi-counselling, semi-ego-boosting chat with a charming chippie which lasted 'til dawn, so I struggled to lift my head off the pillow and arrived at the ground just as the match kicked off. I'd already texted the Coach and confessed my guilt - so after a relatively pain-free payment of a fine, Jack got to play in the second half.

So engrossed was I in the game, that I almost forgot I was wearing festive elf ear-warmers as I turned just as a familiar looking hunk was walking past. There he was - The Dynamo - in the flesh. I believe we won but I paid virtually no attention to the play on the park after that. I'd very quickly ditched the comedy head furniture - but then was very conscious that I was about to be put up for an award - Worst Bad Hair Day of The Year - it's between me, Justin from The Darkness and Billy Connolly - I'm a sure favourite. If only we'd met up on Friday night - tight black satin bustier under a pin-stripe suit with killer heels and glossy locks suits me far better than muddy trousers and a Michelin-reminiscent anorak. Sadly, there was no point in impressing him however as in the time it took me to muster the confidence to meet him, he'd found a much more suitable candidate and is now very much an item with a lucky local girl. But the mention that he has a brother who is recently single did not go unnoticed.

I then dashed over to Castleford to meet The Quietman - who had just driven down from south of Glasgow to meet up. We had a very pleasant afternoon and a spot to eat - I amazed myself at my energy, it had to be his relaxing charm that kept me going - and he even produced gifts - how touching was that! Specially as they are all I currently have to look forward to on Christmas morning.

I had tentatively arranged the sequel to the dinner I enjoyed with Nige off Tint the other night but he'd been delayed so I headed back for a well-needed kip.

Since Friday morning, I've had approximately 7 hours sleep so I'm now a firmly established member of the Junior Doctor Bank - I have a dinner party tomorrow that promises to be interesting and enjoyable, after lunch with a former possible assistant who has now appointed herself as my pimp and has apparently drawn up a Business Plan that she intends to discuss over Tuna Melt.

I shall be chewing Pro-Plus washed down by Alka-Seltzer, lots of coffee and a few Diet Cokes.

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