Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Cute responded to my email with a very business-like bullet-pointed account of his relationships. He's not done anything whatsoever to acknowledge that I had any reason to be upset or that I've done my best to sort matters out. I thought there was a bit more to him than that. What a disappointment!

It's very irritating not to know what it was that caused him to lose interest but I guess I'm just going to have to get over it - the force of my personality alone isn't going to get it out of him. Fortunately I have a number of things coming up over the next few weeks which should keep my mind occupied and my hands too busy to be texting.

I've also been asked on a date today. I was very tempted to accept only on the basis that it takes place on Saturday night - that way I get to go to the Ball with a man like everybody else. It looks as if I might have to take Jack and hope that nobody thinks having so recently been disappointed by a man old enough to be my father, I've now gone to the other extreme and accuse me of cradle-snatching.

I'm doing a better job of not beating myself up so much. I think I was building things up into something much bigger than they were, mainly because I thought that there was just ever such a slight chance that I was finally getting what everyone else has - a relationship. How silly of me! I should have learnt by now that they are just a mirage in my desert of a life!

I wish I knew what it is that's wrong with me. I know I'm no Claudia Schiffer but I look around and I see uglier people all over the place arm in arm with their lovers. I used to have a theory that society is like a pyramid, the higher up the pyramid you are depends on your looks, intelligence etc which means that those at the very bottom have much more potential partners on their level from which to choose, but those right at the top have very few of their own calibre. I guess I must be at the pinnacle and being as stubborn as I am, I'm not prepared to lower my sights or my standards, but there's only room on top for one so I might as well accept that I'm on my own and I'm going to stay that way.

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