Incessant Insomnia

I had a wonderful night's sleep. I was out within seconds of my head hitting the pillow shortly after midnight and I didn't wake up once until Jack kissed me goodbye at 7.30am this morning.

I was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when I answered the door to a delivery man 15 minutes later, oversaw the deposit of a ton of wood, insulation and plasterboard on my front garden and at my desk an hour after that.

20 minutes later Jack passed his driving test.

I will not be sleeping for the foreseeable future.

Wails and Woahs

My favourite married man got a conscience for Christmas. Consequently, I got dropped.

I've taken up dolphin training. It's incredibly distracting and quite addictive.

Did you know dolphins are closely related to rabbits? Only waterproof.

For Pete's Sake

The builders started on the day the Environment Agency issued 87 Severe Flood warnings.

It seemed fitting.

Pete, Pete, Paul, Pete and Little Pete are easy to tell apart. Pete has 5 sugars in his tea, Pete 4, Paul 3...

If it wasn't for my new hobby ( Girls - DO IT - you can't help but smile), I think I might go ever so slightly crazy.

Sitting Alone?

I don't make Resolutions. They, like Rules, are there to be broken. The only challenge is to see just how quickly, completely and debauchedly it can be done.

I do try and learn something different every year though. Last year it was creative writing, before that Greek and previously salsa dancing, astronomy and geology.

My new class starts next week.

Burlesque Chair Dancing.

I am very keen so promise to be an able student.

The Start of Things

I'm standing outside my back door smoking the last fag of 2007. The neighbour's Union Jack is fluttering in the breeze. He isn't a BNP thug, just very patriotic. He got rid of the Warrior and bought a Focus. His girlfriend's very nice.

There's something at the top of the pole. It looks like a small camera. It's pointing straight into my bedroom window. I really ought to rehang the curtains.

Is the cheeky sod streaming my bedroom habits to the world at large? Or is it just for personal consumption? How long has it been there? How clear is the picture? Could any of the married men be identified? Am I incensed or aroused?

2008. Day breaks. I pick up my binoculars. It's just a loop from the flag rope.

My imagination really needs an outlet. My libido has escaped.