Flipping heck! Story of my life! No sooner do I shrink to a size that I might start to consider myself reasonably attractive to the opposite sex, and I turn on the TV to see that Fat is the new Black!!

I always seem to miss the latest trend. I bought a ra-ra skirt at the end of '82, my special edition Rubics Cube was stolen just as the craze dissipated, I had a perm as late as '92, and I now have to buy a house just as the market peaks and is about to plummet! I should be ecstatic for losing weight! But apparently men like BBWs (Big Beautiful Women). I don't even qualify for Plumpers anymore! My conspiracy theory has just concretized.

But there may be another explanation. I don't recall Jack's conception - thankfully. I couldn't get into a hotel last Christmas. I am persecuted ( the Summons for his father's application to vary his 25p a week maintenance order downwards! has arrived today) and I never ever get sex - perhaps I am the mother of the new Messiah!

No! Even he would pick up his dirty laundry, put the bins out, and not ask for paintball money when he knew the oil was running low. I'm just unlucky.