I was awoken at 5 o'clock this morning by the phone ringing. I picked it up on auto-pilot and was greeted with Stephen Hawking!? Well, at least a synthetic voice telling me I had a Voice Text(?)

I got this saucy message and just assumed it was The Throb finding yet another way to amaze and surprise me with his inventiveness. I put the phone down and dreamt no more about it. I did try and send him a quick text pointing out the ungodly hour but the poor reception here prevented it from being sent.

So I was just a little concerned later in the day when I finally got around to asking him about it, that the reply came back that he had no idea what I was going on about. I started to worry. Who else would send me a faintly sinister anonymous call at that time of the day? I started to panic a bit mid-afternoon after Jack had said none of his friends would have done it.

I imagined all sorts, none of them good, and ran through anyone that could possibly have my home number. I never thought of dialing 1471 - and what do you know? It was some floosy jack had been talking to a few nights earlier when I'd been in bed. Phew! The Stalker Wraith behind me instantly dissolved and Jack got some lessons in phone etiquette when I'm the one with it positioned by my head whilst I sleep.

Nothing else has happened today! Nothing! Pretending not to wait for calls is such a great aid for weight-loss.