Saturday, April 29, 2006

There's not Mushroom in here?

I'm not renowned for being the most particular of house-keepers. I spend much of my time at or travelling to or from work, I'm involved in a few community-type organisations, and I have an exclusive contract to provide a personal, responsive chauffeur service to my son. The fact that I would still be a slovenly slut even if I had all the time in the world at home, is neither here nor there.

I usually try and tidy up at a weekend, unless I can find something more interesting to do, and now that Jack's social life is accelerating in direct correlation to the demise of my own, I often have a reasonably willing but barely able helper ( he's the only person I know who can precision hoover around crumbs and considers anything more complex than a mug and plate to be too much of a challenge to wash).

He'd run out of hair gel ( he has a tube-a-week habit to support) and wanted a lift into town this afternoon to watch some of his mates performing in Church Square so he actually got the Marigolds out without being asked,reminded, prompted a third time and eventually yelled at, hoping to extort a few extra quid out of me and speed up the time it took for me to be ready to leave the house.

I wandered into The Shed to check on the tomato plants whilst chatting to Rachel on the phone ( Rachel has an immaculate house where even the understatedly, contrastingly-coloured cobwebs are perfectly-perpendicular to the walls). It's usually dark when I go into The Shed, and I tend to use Granny's old standard lamp to read by, so rarely put the overhead lights or the halogen spots on.

That must be why I hadn't noticed THIS ............

It's growing up between the laminate floor and the door into the garage. I called my Dad to come and get rid of it. And then promptly ordered Jack to stand down from sink duty, fetch his jacket and rendez-vous at the car at the double. What I can't see, I won't worry about all day.


Blogger andrea said...

(a) My 13 year old son also has a tube-a-week hair gel habit and a social life in direct inverse correlation with my own. How old is Jack?
(b) Those house fungi must be an English thing. I discovered one growing behind a chair in a flat I lived in in London, but my dad was in Canada so I was stuck with it!

2:47 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

Cherry Pie, that is a fungus to be proud of. I recommend that you maintain an environment of constant humidity and temperature to acheive maximum growth. It's probably wise to do some research before rushing into consumption, and don't forget - hallucinagenic trips can go both ways.

10:26 pm  
Blogger cream said...

CherryBabe, a couple of cloves of garlic, a blob of butter and you have yourself one great starter!

12:22 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

"The fact that I would still be a slovenly slut even if I had all the time in the world at home, is neither here nor there."
Far be it from me to be argumentative, but I would say that if you had all the time in the world at home, and were a slovenly slut, then you would probably be 'here' (as it relates to you) rather than there, because you would be, by definition, to slovenly to bother to go there.
I hope that that helps.

I hope that you get lots of google visitors who type 'fungal infection' into the search engine.

8:15 am  
Anonymous It's My Real Name, Sadly said...

See what happens when you spend all day in bed watching Countdown?

Whkya. George W Bush's Geordie cousin

9:40 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Andrea - (a) 15 - he turns 16 while he's in Australia in a couple of months

(b) - I had a huge puff ball growing beneath the window in a house I rented some years ago but this new colonisation is much more spectacular.

3:34 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Cream - thank good ness I bought that expensive but beautiful risotto pan in which to prepare it although I do think Tom's advice is sound. If it turns out to be an exotic, edible variety, I shall cultivate it carefully and export some to Hartlepool for you

3:36 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Thank you for pointing that out, Prof Scurra. I would have expected an erudite observation from you so am somewhat disappointed to discover the incorrect spelling of "too". Try harder next time please

3:40 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Mr Gamon - What on honour. I've got to pass the time in there somehow

Mqbmae - Robert Mugabe's Scottish uncle

3:43 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...


Tee hee. You wait...

6:49 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Balderdash I say! Forget the slovenly slut daydream just read girlwithaonetrackmind Blog.

Ah 15 year olds and hair gel. My gentle Lord Spencer(15) would look like one of the Ramones were it not for my incessant gel applications. Soon he too will be noticeably absent like his sisters, Lady Kayla Superstar and Dame Nicole la petit danser. Off to pursue l'amour and the tomfoolery of youth. sigh!

PS.Hmmmm...Those mushrooms look like er..oysters or something?

6:58 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

mmmmmmm... mushrooms.

9:55 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Scapey - I wish they were as benign as oyster mushrooms

Joyce - would you risk them on your precious offspring? Maybe if I line Jack's stomach with milk first..........

Mr Bamon - I am aquiver with nervous anticipation ( or is just time for my meds?) x

claaxtun - a loud siren announcing the arrival of posh, pseudo-miserable old codgers

8:52 pm  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Well, I'm laughing hard at the comment by Joyce, which is similar to what I was going to say. So instead I'll just say Ewwwwwwwwwwwww. And sure, you can be my RP! Of course I'm over the pond. :-)

10:56 pm  
Blogger CeCe said...

On the we(s)t coast of Canada, we get stuff like that! One time, in my very first apartment, I had a mushroom pop up in my BATHROOM! It was pretty nasty!

3:30 am  
Blogger Christine said...

LOL I'm calling the authorities! An indoor mushroom grow op, for shame Cherry. *shakes head* ;)

6:49 am  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...


Nope. I can't think of a single intelligible thing to do with that.

It's time for your codeine, Ms Pie...

9:02 am  
Blogger Sharon J said...

They're exellent mixed with cheese spread and served on toast.

8:44 pm  
Blogger Brian the Mennonite said...

I'm surprised that no one has yet said that it looks like a well used vagina.
Sorry for the forthrightness...I've had some wine and am feeling a bit forthright.

12:15 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Rramone - let's bag the biggest horse-chestnut in full candle splendour

CC - Be(s)t's yours

Christine ( Penny Lane) - it's for home-consumption ONLY

MG - touch of the hee-B/G-bees there - I worship the day Solpadeine went non-prescription

Sharon - cook-up at 10am Sat - come share x

Brian - there are none of those round here *sigh*

ggdafr - middle-eastern rap vibe

2:12 am  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

Ms. Pie, I think the mushrooms are lovely and nothing to worry about as long as they are not growing on your toes or anything...
15-year olds and their hair: I raised two boys and I'm so glad they are beyond that stage. Enjoy it, it doesn't last long.
I can't believe Mr. Scurra confused "to" for "too"!!!

3:45 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Hi Carmentza. Thank you for the reassurance, my toes are wrinkly but fungus free so far x

8:31 pm  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home