Thursday, January 04, 2007

Bloggers Melt My Heart

I love my cute and functional hand warmers. They are great to slip in a pocket for match days. Activated at half time, they serve to make the whole rugby spectating thing bearable, even in the depths of winter when horizontal rain threatens the outer dermis of your cheeks and a freak hail storm may take your eye out. They are usually still squidgy enough to play with afterwards in the clubhouse, thus safely diffusing any pent-up energy which might otherwise erupt from the intoxicating smells of wintergreen, adrenalin and burly second-row sweat.

They are re-usable too. All you have to do is pop them in a pan of boiling water and sit down to your blogroll for 10 minutes. Check whether the baby has arrived yet; laugh, cry and marvel at a wonderful warm raw woman; take an art lesson; hope for better cricket scores; consult the Oracle; read some poetry; restore your faith that there are some nice Americans; despair that such prime beefcake is going spare so far away; contemplate humanity and find everything but the posts wanting; see how real writers do it and spend a few moments rubbing alongside all the other friends you've grown to know and love, admire, worry about and envy when they come up with really clever, original pieces to which you could never hope to aspire.

Notice the strong solvent smell wafting through the gap in the wall. Wonder where it is coming from for a second, before dismissing it and continuing to end of blogroll.

Finally, discover thick, acrid smoke where the kitchen should be. Crawl on hands and knees to locate key for window locks. Hold hand over mouth whilst climbing onto sink drainer to open window. Turn off gas burner which is displaying a rather alarming, aggressive orange flame in place of the usual mild blue glow. And relax.


Blogger Melora said...

Oh, that is so Sad! Those little hearts were so cute & sounded so useful, that I immediately made a mental note to buy some for my sweetie for Valentines Day. I enjoyed clicking around your links (as you obviously did too), and then saw your pitiful pot. Burning plastic does have quite the nasty smell, doesn't it? K. once put a plastic toy in the oven, and we had to clear out of the house for hours when I turned the oven on without checking to see if anything had been put inside.
Your title is So clever!

11:26 pm  
Blogger kj said...

cp, you have a writing style that deserves a weekly column somewhere. i just want to tell you that.

4:07 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Warms the cockles of your heart, this.

Do the hand-warmers not work now then?

8:37 am  
Blogger Caroline said...

Real writer????? Hasn't anyone realised that I'm just about clinging on here and haven't really got a clue?????
I love you hand warmers - I am after some nipple tassles the same shape ;-0


8:40 am  
Blogger delcatto said...

It did more than warm the cockles of your heart...
I hope you didn't breathe any of that smoke in. Years ago a friend of mine decided to boil some plastic handled cutlery with a similar result to your handwarmers.
I turn the gas off and got a lungful of acrid smoke. Lots of lovely yummy poisons. I'd just given up smoking as well.

10:01 am  
Blogger Ces said...

My God! Cherry Pie, I know blogworld is mesmerizing but for the love of life, please buy an egg timer and sit it in front of your keyboard!!!

1:22 pm  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

You aren't going to eat that are you? Puts a new slant on being broken hearted. Reminds me of the time I tried to make a comic-book style Christmas pud, all round and waiting for a sprig of holly. All I ended up with was a pan of mush and a frazzled teatowel with a big burnt hole in the middle.
Promise you will try again with the heartwarming handwarmers, they are so 'you'.

5:14 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Those hand warmers do sound incredibly flexible. And if they serve to get you blogging, then I'm all for 'em ("burly second-row sweat." Ha!)

I also cannot both blog and boil stuff. About that, you should never despair.

Nor should you about anything else ;-)

5:59 pm  
Blogger Sharon J said...

The blogosphere has a lot to answer for. I burned a pizza a few days ago because I was too hung up on following links from blog to blog. Poor kids had nothing but water and a jam sandwich all day!

10:41 pm  

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