Bloggers Melt My Heart

I love my cute and functional hand warmers. They are great to slip in a pocket for match days. Activated at half time, they serve to make the whole rugby spectating thing bearable, even in the depths of winter when horizontal rain threatens the outer dermis of your cheeks and a freak hail storm may take your eye out. They are usually still squidgy enough to play with afterwards in the clubhouse, thus safely diffusing any pent-up energy which might otherwise erupt from the intoxicating smells of wintergreen, adrenalin and burly second-row sweat.

They are re-usable too. All you have to do is pop them in a pan of boiling water and sit down to your blogroll for 10 minutes. Check whether the baby has arrived yet; laugh, cry and marvel at a wonderful warm raw woman; take an art lesson; hope for better cricket scores; consult the Oracle; read some poetry; restore your faith that there are some nice Americans; despair that such prime beefcake is going spare so far away; contemplate humanity and find everything but the posts wanting; see how real writers do it and spend a few moments rubbing alongside all the other friends you've grown to know and love, admire, worry about and envy when they come up with really clever, original pieces to which you could never hope to aspire.

Notice the strong solvent smell wafting through the gap in the wall. Wonder where it is coming from for a second, before dismissing it and continuing to end of blogroll.

Finally, discover thick, acrid smoke where the kitchen should be. Crawl on hands and knees to locate key for window locks. Hold hand over mouth whilst climbing onto sink drainer to open window. Turn off gas burner which is displaying a rather alarming, aggressive orange flame in place of the usual mild blue glow. And relax.