Thursday, December 21, 2006

Ding-Dong-a-Long Night

It's Christmas party time at 9 Blogworld Road. Everyone is invited. Help yourself to canapes. There are sloe gin and champagne cocktails, vodka jellies and I've had the pool drained, filled with crushed ice and thrown in some bottles of Hobgoblin just for Seany and Del. There are freshly squeezed fruit juices and mineral water for those that prefer to keep a clear head to blackmail the rest of us in the morning.

The DJ has strict instructions to play only funky tunes with absolutely no sleigh bells, Slade or Sade with a heavy emphasis on Blondie, Bowie and Bananarama. He's happy to take your requests but remember he works for me so will report anybody requesting Celine Dion, Black Lace or G4 who will be promptly but politely asked to leave.

There are presents under the tree for everyone. Melora, your's is the family favourite Mousetrap game. Mark, I got you a lovely Wash & Go gift set. Joyce ( you look divine, darling, and you made it yourself from some old curtains and a packet of M&Ms?) & Brian, have you guessed what it is yet? Casters for your sofa, of course. Jocelyn, I'm sure you'll appreciate the Party Feet gel pads so you can dance til dawn in your magical Tarty sandals ( you must tell me where you got those before you go). Give my love to your brother, won't you?

Cream, will you stop trying to peak into the kitchen to see which caterers I brought in, please? I've made it all myself ( ok, so I bought the dainty little pastry cases from Sainsbury's, bargain 12 for 99p, but it was me that filled them with smoked salmon, caviar and prawns) Here, go enjoy your box of Alpini.

Mike, I really thought long and hard about your gift. It strikes me you have everything you need and want for nothing so go over there, onto the decking. See that Fender Stratocaster, the 1965 Sunburst. If you can play a tune on it that the rest of us can dance to, it's yours.

Pete, you've already bought yourself everything I could think of and I knew you wouldn't thank me for depriving you of weeks spent researching, comparing and considering your next toy ( although Diane might) so will you and your parents just go through that curtain. You'll step straight into South America, your Dad won't need to stay up all night worrying about the journey, your Mum won't have to make any awful Travel Insurance declarations and the sun will do you all good. Hurry. Natasha Kaplinsky is waiting to tango with you.

Digi, do come through for dinner. I made lamb shanks especially.

Isn't the mural that Andrea painted on the ballroom wall wonderful, everybody? She did it in half a day. She's a genius. My friends at the Royal Academy agree and have asked me to pass on this Fellowship to her. Do take it, dear.

CeCe, still dancing and almost 9 months gone. Here, let me mind your daughter while you and Armondo sneak into my 'playroom' for a bit. I think you'll like the swing. Tom and Pamela might still be in there so it's best to knock. No, Vicus, that bowl is for Ces. Please put your keys back in your pocket. It's not that type of party. There are children present. Relax. The Special Branch are outside and I made sure the plans were kept from Charles and Camilla so you won't be disturbed. It's much warmer here than in draughty old Windsor anyway.

Richard, it's lovely to see you. Yes, Sharon's here already. I managed to rescue the chocolate liquers before she ate the whole tray, you know how they can affect her. Boo, let me help you with that box. I can't wait to let the hedgehogs go in the walled garden.

HE, I'm coming to dance just as soon as I've given Kate her Dragon voice-recognition software. Her poor fingers must ache so, especially after her little accident a few weeks ago, she's so prolific. Has anyone seen St. Jude? She moved in the summer and hasn't been seen since. I do hope she makes it. I was going to introduce her to Krusty, only I'm not sure if he's got here yet? The other Cheeky Girl will be disappointed if he doesn't turn up.

CJ, there's chance for everybody in the playroom, don't fret.

Aah. Fronty. Guess what I found. A box of the complete Humbrol colour palette. The Receivers were going to throw it out with the garbage but I managed to rescue it for you. Oh, stop gushing. It was nothing, really.

Beki. Now I know anchovy paste and nipple tassels does seem to be an odd combination for a present but choose an evening when you know you won't be disturbed, draw the drapes and I promise you and your kittens will have the time of your lives, just don't let the older cats with the really sharp claws in the room unless you've got a packet of sticking plasters handy.

Anna, I found these old choral scores while I was clearing out my old music stool. Are they any good to you? Carmentza, meet WW. He's lovely and now he's got the complete home shelving organiser kit from Betterware, you'll be able to get through his front door without tripping.

Keshi, I know it just looks like a big stick, but I think you're going to need it to beat off all the boys I saw following you down the road. KJ, you divine thing. Pull a chair up by the fire and I'll be over once I've introduced Seany's Lovely Little Sis to the Other Cherry's husband. He's a Headmaster, you know.

The dartboard is for you, Kyk. I customised it with a picture of all the lawyers you've ever known. Go, enjoy. Mise will play with you. Ziggi, would you mind helping me in the study for a moment? Right, now I've got you on your own, you're going to have to help me lace up these boots. I can get up to the back of my knee on my own but I fear I'll put a disc out if I try to get any further. Oh, and would you mind doing the same with the corset. Oooosh! My! That feels tight. Fabulous. Now I can take this smock off and really start to enjoy the party.

Yoo Hoo! Alice. Over here. What a clever outfit. Who would have thought it was just knit one, purl together. Do say 'hello' to Ian. He's a cartoonist from Down Under. He's very handsome, isn't he. Ian, feel free to use the downstairs cloakroom to wash the chalk off your hands before you sit on the cream furniture.

Who's the angel in the tutu, you ask? That's Jack, my son. Some of his team mates got a bit carried away at the college party last night. It was all just high jinks. The doctor's assured me that regular applications of Sudocrem should have him walking normally again in no time. Thank goodness I opted for the Corsican Pine Christmas tree, such soft needles and no drop otherwise it might have been a different story.

Dave, I'm so glad you made it after the carol service. You didn't bring Mavis? I wore these boots in anticipation of doing the can-can with her later. Still, I hope you like the home lapidary set. Start it going tomorrow and it's guaranteed to turn out a stone that wouldn't look out of place in a Tiffany setting by 28 Dec, not that you'll be needing it so fast but I know how you like to be prepared.

Lee's sent a letter everyone. I've pinned it to the sidebar so you can all take a peek. Who's that sitting in the corner on their own? Andy, why, come join the party. They're all really nice people and they will adore you, I promise. There's no need to be shy.

Carlz and Marjory, don't worry. Sensei might not be available any longer but he's bringing along the rest of his regiment. Us single girls will not be short of eye candy. They may even give us a marshall arts demonstration if we are really lucky. No, Dave, I don't think you ought to join in, not with your back if you are serious about playing cricket again next summer.

And finally, Caroline and Menchie, my new neighbours. I'm sorry I haven't had time to drop an invitation through everyone's post box yet. I'll try to get round them all before the New Year, but if you see any of them in the meantime, would you tell them they are welcome to drop by any time and I'll set a special place up especially for them.

28 Comments:

Blogger Pete said...

the hostess with the mostest

how did you know I was researching more about cameras!!

10:01 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Now this, to me, is the absolute best blog posting I've seen all year (well, since May when I hopped on board).

Witty, cute, alive, fun, inclusive, funny, inventive. And what great music (you've got VIDS!)

Cherry, you are a wizard. Carm's taken, isn't she? I need someone else to trip over my shoes...

What a party that WOULD be!

10:02 pm  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

What a charming party. I met such interesting people. And got home with barely a trace of STD.

10:15 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

I'm so there! But who'll be left to pick up the pieces when the more 'impulsive' partygoers (moi?) end up passed out, face down in the pool, having tried to take their pants off over their heads after confronting a cocktail or two and all this male pulchritude?

11:20 pm  
Blogger Ces said...

Why am I not surprised that the first Blogworld Road party is at your place Cherry Pie? You are indeed the Hostess with the Mostest as Pete mentioned above. My gosh. I am impressed. You knew the tiniest detail about every guest. No wonder it is a joy to have you over at our place when you come see us. You are indeed, as KJ once mentioned, a doll. You melt my heart.

11:35 pm  
Blogger CeCe said...

OOH! A sex swing?!?! Awesome!

2:16 am  
Blogger Menchie said...

Oh great! Now I can wear my new sparkly tube top! Great party CP!

2:20 am  
Blogger Joyce said...

oh my dear. you made an enraged, depressed woman laugh til she cried, just now. That is absolutely brilliant!!
That's got to be the best party ever. And at last, we've been at the same party! Thanks, it won't be forgotten.

(old curtains, and m&m's? oooh, that's funny! My daughter has just come and said- "Oh, good mom. At least you're not crying"... see? you've made us all happy!

3:40 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

Tommy and I LOVED your 'playroom' and plan on visiting more often!

Great party all around!

5:53 am  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Well, Cherrypie, you've beaten me to the punch (lovely flavour it has, by the way!). I posted a short, bland piece on my blog,giving myself time to pop over to the moorings and get my rice barge ready for a bit of a wing-ding....
Oh, well, any revellers who haven't fallen from grace/ the love swing/ that big tree/the bouncy bed in your "den" are very welcome to pop over the road to #10. Of course, I may not be there...haven't can-canned for a day or two, but that's me in the fish nets.
Happy Christmas, all.

7:05 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I haven't been to a party like this since...






...oh, be honest, I haven't been to a party like this.

It was lovely. I don't normally polish up the fossils I collect, but now I'll have something to do in those long days that hang so heavily after Christmas.

8:19 am  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

My word, Humbrol! I'll have to break down and build you that pink Spitfire IX I've been considering since I saw the photos and color plates 10 years ago.

I come bearing a heavily salted Virginia ham, a decent Southwest Virginia rose' vintage 1992, some sweet potato biscuits and a couple of bushels of Cheapeake Bay crabs along with a big can of Old Bay seasoning.

Got any Guiness? Vicus and I need to go discuss our generally shared malcontentedness.

To you, a peaceful Christmas and a new year with more hope than most of us have seen in this world in the last few years.

8:34 am  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

Sod the chocolate liquers, just gimme the vodka jelly!

10:47 am  
Anonymous Ziggi said...

Can't comment again

Wanted to say what a fab party and where did you get the boots!

And I really wanted to put that on your blog as you so kindly invited me to your 'do'! grrrrrrrr
I refused to be beta!

11:22 am  
Anonymous Marjory said...

I got a mention! I got a mention! Thank you for the eye-candy (me bf isn't enough when it comes to good, old-fashioned ogling!).

And for you, I bring you the nasty waitress, gagged with a christmas cracker and bound with festive gift ribbon (trust you have a luau pit at CP Mansions?).

Merry Christmas!

11:34 am  
Blogger Homo Escapeons said...

You are the First Lady of the Blogosphere! It is astonishing how well you can piece together all of the attributes of these orphans into a cheery Christmas soiree!
Together we shall dance the Tarantino!
No, the Tarantella!
Doh, the Tango! and the forbidden dance the Disco!
You are in a class of your own and your sweet (funny as hell) nector draws us in like jittery little hummingbirds hovering about and jostling for position with our hearts racing
*hearts that are 20% of our total body weight (had to get some nerdiness in there)
waiting to dip into the wittiest cherry blossom in cyberspace!
whew!
You're the best...have a fabulous holiday!

6:02 pm  
Blogger Cream said...

Cherrybabes, I will definitely checking your nibbles and tasting your wine...

I'll even let you have one of the Alpinis I got off the staff this morning.

My hips are moving slowly to the music!

6:05 pm  
Blogger Caroline said...

I have found Sharon and the vodka jelly ... I may need to be escorted home later.
Merry Christmas.
Cx

8:58 pm  
Blogger kj said...

cp, this is a fine party. i like almost every guest. i have my eye on a few for various reasons and purposes. i'm not surprised this event is at your place either. and i agree with ww's assessement in every aspect. you are one fab hostess.

i will stay late to help you clean up the mess and the kitchen. then we can stay up and gossip. and i mean gossip.

happy holidays, doll cherrypie. i am thoroughly delighted to know you!

6:50 am  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

Hold on... I'll just shift up a bit so that Caroline can sit with me and the jelly. Just leave us alone now - we'll be perfectly... err... perfectly... err... sozzled?

11:39 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I think they've had enough to drink now - when does the Spacehopper racing start?

3:15 pm  
Blogger Melora said...

Ooooh! What fun! And here I was, expecting to be celebrating with just Ed & the kids this year. I do need to keep an eye on the kids (T. will think Jack is too cool and follow on any harebrained scheme he might devise), but I think I could have a beer.
The Mousetrap Game is just the thing, although Ed still fails to see any humor in the whole mouse thing, even when K. sneaks up behind him and says, "Squeak squeak!"

11:20 pm  
Blogger Brian the Mennonite said...

Thanks Cherry. I'm very happy to have been invited. But Joyce has taken the casters you gave me and mounted them to the bottom of one of her less-mobile day care children for ease of transport to and from the potty. It was a lovely thought though.
Merry Christmas.

4:02 pm  
Blogger digi-birder said...

Oooh lovely lamb shank. I think I'll give that one 10/10. Thank you cp. Great party.

12:19 pm  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

What a fabulous party Cherry! Sorry to gate-crash and sorry if Sharon and I embarassed anyone face down in the Vodka Jelly - but Hey Merry Christmas Honey - Here is to the most Fabulous 2007 for all of us XXXXXXXXXX

2:23 pm  
Blogger tom909 said...

Thank you for the party Cherry. Now I know why she's called Hot Pammy.

3:37 pm  
Anonymous Mike da hat said...

Hey thanks awefully for the virtual present. Good choice.

Lots of love

Mike

2:56 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

OY!!! I WANNA STRATOCASTER TOO!!!! HOW COME MIKE GETS ALL THE BEST PRESENTS???? WAAAAAHHHH!!!! STROP STROP TANTRUM THROWING MY CHRISTMAS PUDDING ON THE FLOOR NOW...

2:52 pm  

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