Saturday, October 14, 2006

Then Blog spoke all these words

I am the Lord your Blog, who brought you out of the land of the BBC Homepage, out of the house of domestic drudgery and 9-5 slavery;

1. You shall have no other blogs before me; but it's perfectly acceptable to have a testblog, contribute to a groupblog or ring and maybe have a sister blog on a separate but complimenting topic which you feel would be better presented elsewhere

2.You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in the Technorati rankings above, or that is on the blogheap beneath, or that is in the murky sludge under the adult-content section; only your followers and commentors have that divine power

3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your Blog; but it's alright to add suffixes such as -ville, -land, -osphere to denote the kingdom of the Lord your Blog

4. Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy; because no-one ever comments on a weekend so it's not like you have anything better to do. Six days you shall labor and do all your work; unless you spend all day every day following other blogs ensuring you shall have to work the seventh to catch up. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your Blog; you shall not do any workyou, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns; nobody wants to read about your trip to the gynaecologist, your child's finely-sculpted snot-candles or the interesting conversation you had with the car-park attendant on the way to pick up the athlete's foot prescription for the gerbil, no matter how amusingly you think you write

5. Honour your father and your mother; but do not let them know you have a blog or they will use it against you or, worse, start writing their own

6. You shall not murder; but you can delete spam, and posts that seemed funny when you wrote them the night before with the help of a few glasses of wine or some strong medication

7. You shall not commit adultery; there's no penetration, so pretty much anything goes with this one

8. You shall not steal; but to steal would necessitate a malicious intent to permanently deprive so plagiarism is only a minor infringement and completely excusable if accompanied by an appropriate credit to the original perpetrator

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor; although chances are he wouldn't understand you as most Next Blogs are in a foreign languauge

10You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor; unless they've come up with a really clever and simple post that you wish you'd thought of first

NB: It is not my intention to cause any offence to anyone in the publishing of this post. I do not wish to suggest bias or secularism. It is for this reason that over the coming week I shall follow with similar works to demonstrate the multi-culturalism that this site embraces, commencing with the 5 Pillars of IsBloghabad and 613 Mitzvot of HeBlogrew


Blogger andrea said...

Brilliant -- and even politically correct with that disclaimer. Have you no limitations to your versatility, woman?

PS I laughed out loud at #5 ~ I had to practically beat mine father and mine mother over the head with the pc to get them to read my blog and do you think they've done it since? I detect some serious attachment disorder therapy on my horizon.

2:10 am  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Oy veh!

But where's the part about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!

ejxsm - allow your own smutty mind to ponder the implications in this permutation

2:16 am  
Blogger Dave said...

Did you pinch this from an American site (what with 'neighbour' being spelled incorrectly)?

Or is it terribly clever, Google/Blogger being American-owned?

8:27 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cherry, you are just priceless! You brighten the blogosphere.....

8:51 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Dave - Wikipedia [rovided the bones of it. I left it in there to give you something to comment on without having to blaspheme.

(*waving to everyone else as I dash out the door with a slice of toast in my hand, dragging on my boots and hoping I can find my way to Darlington in the fog*)

9:09 am  
Blogger Stegbeetle said...

Bless me, Cherry, for I have sinned!

10:10 am  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

I don't actually have anything to say - I just wanted to prove that some people do comment at the weekend. So that's it... I'm outta here.

2:11 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

ejxsm - how dreadfully smutty my mind must be . . . lovely!
Just commenting for commenting's sake, although it not being the sabbath I guess this doesn't technically count - would you mind reading it tomorrow CP?

3:59 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

Well, actually, it being Saturday, today is the Sabbath. Sunday is the day after Sabbath (this post being a spoof on the 10 Commandments, which were actually given to the Jewish people, for whom, I believe, the Sabbath is sunset Friday to Sunset Saturday).

*Pedant sits back satisfied. My work is done!*

5:33 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Unlike my xenophobic malapropos you manage to gently incorporate the most important things that I ever learned in Kindergarten into a hilarious declaration of The New Rules.
You are a peach!
ps I forwarded a copy to the Kansas School Board so set your Firewall to DEFCON 1

Oy gavalt they are gonna plotz when they see this fermisht...
just kibitzin'..I love your'll get gornisht from the goyim.

6:30 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm deeply offended by your sectarian views. Despite your atrociously humorous post, I'm attempting a comment, for I have seen the post in the Google Group, which caused me to age 40 years and turned my hair gray. If you could write another message to turn me into a brunette, and shave off another 50 years, I'd deeply appreciate it. As a sign unto you, I've set on fire all the bushes in my neighborhood using holy kerosene while drinking alcoholic water. Thank you, and may the Lord Blog grant you a healthy commenting system.

7:23 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

excellent stuff cp. I wish I wrote that well ...... sulk

8:49 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Cherry Pie:

IT WORKS! And how brilliant that you are so poking fun at Blogville, Monty style!

I'm on! I'm back in!

You are hilarious and, let's say it, gifted as a humourous writer.

I've told some people about my blog and have ended up regretting it for one reason or another.

Was just talking to my mom, who I tried to persuade two years ago to buy a computer...told her about my blog and now she wants a pc.


11:15 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Oh. I'm in too. Maybe it's because it's Sunday.

'...and on the seventh day he rested; and he saw that it was good; and he caused the host of the Bloggerites to leave their comments in the majesty of the Lord; but for one day only...'

Number 7 still has me worried, though. Or perhaps (over)excited is the right word...

8:51 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

He is a benevolent Blog though isn't he. So we can pretty much get away with what the hell we want to, yeah.

9:21 am  
Blogger Betty said...

Tom, he appears to be an Old Testament Blog, which is a bit of a worry as I seem to have broken most of the Commandments (except for the bits about thy neighbor's blog. I've stopped looking at "Next Blog" ever since clicking on to that one which might have led to me being dragged in for a police interview).

10:09 am  
Blogger Brian the Mennonite said...

And when she had descended from the Cherry tree holding the tablets, having been in the presence of the lord our Blog, the people cried for her to cover her face with a veil, for her radiance was too much for them to bear. You're too much Cerrypie. Mmmmmm...pie.

2:03 am  
Blogger Mise said...

Excellent Cherry....Oh how often have I been mindful of 6 and deleted the offending post early in the morning, notwithstanding timezones, before anyone read it(I hope!) :-D

8:01 am  
Anonymous Beki said...


8:43 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh this was a great post! Thank you!

12:04 am  
Blogger Ces said...

You are amazing. What a very clever post. I am afraid, I work on some Sabbath Days, so in between problem solving, I would blog.

12:57 pm  
Blogger Ces said...

Oh I forgot, I think multiculturalism won't work on this one. Some blog religions don't have a sense of "rumor". They follow strict covenants and offending one qualifies for the need to test nuclear heads. Even the ones with high IQ...

1:04 pm  

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