Thursday, September 14, 2006

Who Does She Think She Was?

Astrology.com recently sent me a message suggesting that I was about to meet with a blast from my past. I thought this unlikely. I'm still in regular contact with plenty of old flames and I really can't think of any of the others that I would be remotely thrilled at bumping into again. The chances that such a person might have thought to communicate with me via a quacky website designed to part gullible, misguided fools from their money made this even more doubtful.

That didn't stop me opening the message, just in case Gary from Junior School had suddenly woken up and realised that his life in leafy suburbia with 2.4 kids and a daily commute into the city was meaningless and that I was his one true love after all. There's no denying that something special passed between us during Postman's Knock at my 11th birthday party.

In fact, those thoughtful folk wanted to tell me who I had been in a past life. All for a very reasonable 20$. So keen were they to provide me with this information, they offered to give me a sample of their knowledge for free. It would have been churlish of me not to accept such a generous and valuable offer.

I provided them with the critical information that would enable them, over the tinterweb to look back past the moment of my birth. There was no need for hypnotism or regression therapy, just a couple of boxes filled in with date, time and place was sufficient.

This is what they came up with.

Your Sun is in Taurus (Tropical zodiac). Taurus' influence inclines you to be somewhat headstrong, with a very set and determined manner. Since your childhood, being outdoors and living close to nature is probably more significant to you than to most others. This love of nature and the great outdoors is from one or more past lives spent on a farm or in nature settings. For ages countries on the Mediterranean such as ancient Egypt, Greece and virtually all of the ancient Mideast lived in close contact with nature. So did the Native Americans of pre-Columbian America. And surely you were one of them.

What utter twaddle. The answer of who I was is obvious from a brief examination of the facts.

1. Red hair
2. Ankles prone to swelling
3. Loud, bawdy personality, inability to suffer fools gladly
4. Hearty appetite
5. Love of travel and luxurious accommodation
6. Able to play 'Greensleeves' on the recorder by the age of 7
7. Lack of current spousal candidates suggesting used up my fair share in a previous incarnation

I couldn't have been anyone other than Henry VIII.

Who were you?

28 Comments:

Blogger ziggi said...

I just asked himself, as he was passing, who he thought I was in my past life and he said "Boudicea" and when I asked why was told "because you take no messing" - I can't decide if I've been complimented or insulted!

7:37 pm  
Blogger delcatto said...

Seeing as all the Hollywood crowd have grabbed all the pharoahs, kings, princes,etc...I was obviously a lowly scruffy serf in a muddy field waiting for knock off time so I could head for Ye Olde Taverne...no change there then!

8:16 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

Please, how many Napoleon Bonapartes have there been? Like delcatto, I was a nobody but I'm sure I was one of those penniless elephant trainers in India at some point. It just feels familiar.

Cherry, can I interest you in a self-winding stainless steel nose-hair clipper? We will gladly throw in a "free" gift: the case in beautiful burgundy corinthian leather. You will treasure this...
Just send $19.99....

9:11 pm  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

carmentza>>>may i take you up on the nasal hair trimmer?
industrial strength of course?
does it also trim pubes?
my nose hairs and pubes seem to be working in some form of synchronicity or is it synergy?
growing at a faster rate than the fading hairs on my head.
if you say need to know i will probably shove something unpleasant up your night shirt.

11:49 pm  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Well, Cherrypie my dear, you also described Arthur Godfrey almost to a T. By any chance have you played the ukulele, and did your musical director write and perform "I Can See Clearly Now"?

12:07 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

I think I may have been a cat. I prefer sleeping, scratching and chasing things I can never catch.

1:48 am  
Blogger LuvlyLittleSister said...

The question is "who am I in this life?" I think I was a teacher in my last life. It certainly isn't happening in this one (yet)....

7:14 am  
Anonymous Seany said...

I don't believe in re-incarnation now and I didn't when I was a frog.

Sorry, couldn't help myself...

8:05 am  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

Sounds more like you were once Charlie Drake to me!

11:32 am  
Blogger Kate said...

Hmm, I'll have to think about that.

Nope, can't think of anyone.

Or, no, wait a minute, I like the sea and enjoy travelling, also I'm tall and blonde so maybe a Viking. Yes, I'm going with that. I can see the previous me striding up the beaches of Yorkshire looking for something to pillage. Or more likely looking for a bath, I would imagine one would be pretty smelly after being cooped up on a boat for weeks on end.

2:04 pm  
Anonymous Cream said...

I could've been a famous florist!
I am always buying carnations for the restaurants! ;o)

2:12 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

You are hilarious. And perfect video choice. Now you've got me wondering who I was.

2:56 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

PS Queen was my first concert. Saw them twice in the glory days (long before Freddy kicked the bucket).

2:58 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

Tell you what tho, I'm going to be a swan in the next life. There just doesn't seem to be a down side. Beautiful, regal, protected by the monach, you can muck about on the water and when you're fed up with that have a fly around, monogamous relationship, all the fish you can eat and if anyone pisses you off you can break their arm - perfect.

ps Pam are you comparing Tom to a mouse?? ha ha ha ha :)

5:23 pm  
Blogger Mise said...

I don't bloody well know who I am now, and you want me to go delving into the muddy and undoubtedly murky past??

But I could do with a pair of those nose-hair clippers, Carmenzta. Would you give CJ and myself a deal?

p.s. Cherry, the music is definitely improving. :-D

6:01 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Ziggi - I would say Boudicea is a wonderful compliment. You get to drive around on a chariot looking like Alex Kingston.

I like the swan idea too Can they actually break arms? Do you know ANYBODY it has ever happened to?

Del - aspirations.

Carmentza - there have been loads of flipping Napoleons. And each and every one of the little midget men have come back to haunt me!

Can you offer a discount on bulk purchases of those nasal clippers for anyone that mentions this blog with their order? I've a feeling most of my readers could use them. Unfortunately, I just pluck.

6:11 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Fronty - I had to Google Arthur Godfrey and we do have an uncannily similar nose. I've never played a uke but I have been known to pick a banjo. Well, I am a village girl.

Pamela - cats were revered as deities in Ancient Egypt. I think you might be right

LLS - it'll happen.

Seany - frogs are always welcome here

Cherry - I wish I coud be as funny as Charlie Drake. According to Wikipedia, he's not dead yet so I don't think I can have been him.

6:16 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Kate - do you have a penchant for rollmops?

cream - name one famous florist

Andrea - I really really wish I was you. I would love to have seen Queen and Freddie. Seany, are you listening? Sickening, isn't it?

Mise - oops. I changed the music before I read your comment. Although I am sure you've strutted in your time.

6:20 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

RE: clippers - I don't understand the self-winding bit - what does it wind, other than itself and what for?

6:52 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Kinda got a bit off topic with nose hairs and pube hairs and clippers, didn't we?

And Cherry Pie, no matter what you were in a previous life (or lives), doesn't plucking hurt?

Besides, what's Postal Knock?

You probably did use up a lot of your spousal candidates in previous incarnations, but I don't think there's a limit...

A lady friend of mine was a firm believer in reincarnations and was obsessed with determining who she had been, much to her detriment (and mine).

Personally, I am on my 1,434th version of the current me. Can't seem to get it right...

8:16 pm  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

I was a worm. First a single worm, then somebody came along and chopped me in two. I then became twin worms. This explains my present split personality.

12:20 am  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

I like to think I was Casanova.

Sigh. I also believe in the tooth fairy, the Rapture, and the aliens who built the pyramids.

2:31 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

On second thoughts, I'm fond of a rollmop. Perhaps I came ashore with Kate.

2:32 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

I was the one with the horns.

(Tee hee. I kill me, sometimes)

2:33 pm  
Blogger delcatto said...

I aspire to a large turnip and sire, I have a cunning plan to get me one...Life as a cat sounds good to me.

12:08 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Ziggi - I think it's a part of the male grooming ritual that is better left a mystery.

WW- don't you have Postman's Knockin Canada? How do you ever learn how to snog?


Sharon- adaptability in the face of adversity certainly seems to remain one of your strengths

Mark - I think you were right first time. You still manage to charm me

Del - life as a cat would be preferable to being Baldrick.

1:46 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

I could Google "snog", I suppose, and I suspect I could make an educated guess.

But what is it? My innocence and cultural naivete is one of my many downfalls...

1:14 am  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

I was an amoeba who couldn't control his chronic asexual activities for 3.5 billion years.
They finally just gave up and reincarnated me because I was a "bad influence" on the others..ouch!

4:42 pm  

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