Monday, August 28, 2006

Bank Holidays - My Arse!

It appears that my hatred of Bank Holidays, particularly late summer ones, is not as commonplace as I had thought. I quite like that. I never was one to run with the crowd.

It's not the actual days off that I object to, it's rather nice to have a lay-in without the Snooze button interrupting every 5 minutes, for at least an hour, as happens most work mornings. It's the sheer bloody loneliness of the whole thing.

Jack's past the age where he will accompany me, uncomplaining, to a National Trust property or on a walk through the Dales. Actually, he's never done it without complaining but he was small enough to wrestle into the car before. Now he's off writing songs with his mates, the next Big Thing ( yeah, right!) and playing in all-night RISK tournaments ( ok - I'm pissed that I wasn't included in that) only calling back home for fuel or cash.

There's invariably a wedding to go to - me and 'Plus 1'. Why do they put that? Plus 1? If they are close enough friends, they know I do not have a significant other, and that I am sufficiently confident to walk into a roomful of strangers on my own ( alright, I have started getting a bit nervous about that actually, but I haven't bloody well told anybody so as far as they know I don't have a problem with it). The most likely person I'd take would be Jack, who would have been invited by name if they were the sort of friends that he'd want to see. Weddings are bad enough as it is when you know the couple. I can't think of anyone I loathe enough to drag along as my pretend partner. So I rarely go.

I avoid the garden centres and shopping outlets -too many dysfunctional families and majorette troupes - restricting my retail exposure to a quick nip into Tesco for a case of Sauvignon Blanc and some olives ( I bought Bran Flakes this weekend instead).

So today, I decided to give the world a break from my sullen mug and after spending the morning lazily reading the remains of yesterday's paper, I ran a deep bubble bath, lit a scented candle ( one of the posh ones I've been saving for a special assignation), covered my scowling complexion in the last of my expensive Space NK shopping sorties, tuned the radio to Classic Gold, placed the latest Gardeners World magazine within easy reach for when my book ran out and prepared for a long, relaxing soak. Bliss. For 5 minutes.

The phone rang. I tried to ignore it. I'm naturally too nosey and egocentric to leave phones unanswered. If someone wants to speak to me it must be important, to them at least, and I want to know why that is. It doesn't quite explain why I feel compelled to pick up other people's phones, often in offices down the corridor from me, but that's beside the point.

I jumped out of the bath, pausing only to grab a towel, a large one, and consciously wiped my feet on the mat. As I dived out of the bathroom, it occurred to me that I should be careful as I had polished the stairs, the shiny wooden ones, this weekend and my feet were very wet. I was careful. That's probably why I managed to reach step 3 before I slipped and noisily bounced down the remaining 9.

It could have been so much worse. I was naked, soapy, face caked in white clay, holding a book about vampires. Not how I would hope to meet any passing paramedics.

Fortunately, I didn't break anything, not even the spindles, which was a miracle when you see the bruises on my arm which look like a test cricket ball embedded in my arm, same colour, slightly rough ridge, everything. But I think it might be some time before I'm sitting comfortably.


Blogger LuvlyLittleSister said...

OUCH! That looks very painful. I reckon there must be a few lessons there. 1. Never bother to polish the stairs, 2. Don't get out of a relaxing bath for anything, 3. If it is important they will phone back later.

Did you ever find out who was on the phone?

10:21 pm  
Blogger Brian the Mennonite said...

Geez Cherry, that looks bad. I hope your backside didn't get splashed with the same tube of purple. Ouch.
Good thing about those spindles though, huh?

12:49 am  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

You know, you could have saved yourself the trouble by just having someone take a couple of free swings with a Louisville Slugger.

Take it easy - don't want to be reading someone else's post about you dead or paralyzed.

1:30 am  
Blogger Within Without said...

Eek, Cherry Pie, that's one mean looking bruise!

No offence, but I mighta kinda snickered silently though if I had been a fly on the wall, watching you go for that tumble with that stuff all over your face and all...

Hope it gets better soon.

Great music, by the way.

1:58 am  
Blogger Pete said...

Looks nasty CP. but I bet it would have been amusing to watch. get a phone line put in upstairs!

Curiously being on my own seldom bothers me. I'm quite happy to toddle off and do my own thing. Pair of bins and a book and I'm happy.

Weddings and things are different - luckily most people I now know are married.

7:59 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

ow ow ow ow ! - get a cordless phone and take it into the bathroom with you - still, good excuse to give up the running lark for a bit eh?
hope you start to feel a bit less tender soon

8:40 am  
Blogger Anna said...

Yowch! Witch hazel's very good for making bruises heal faster.

1:32 pm  
Blogger delcatto said...

Bloody hell!
'Bedrest' and TLC is needed, plus medicinal brandy.
1471 on the phone or a cordless one to bring upstairs with you.Better still...ignore the phone during 'me time'.
I bet it was a cold caller.

6:33 pm  
Blogger cream said...

Cherrybabe, that's a nasty bugger!
I was just going to mention that we'll be kicking your arse in the Carling Cup, but I won't!
I hope yours heals before we do!

7:49 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

LLS - good advice. It was Marko. He came round and laughed a lot.

FE - what's a Louisville Slugger? Somehow I don't think I'd like it.

WW - are you hearing what I'm hearing? it's awful. But I'm so vain I thought I might leave it there from time to time.

Pete - I can arrange an action replay if you and WW want tickets - I'll start padding the stairs now

Ziggi - I've got a cordless, and an upstairs extension, but they were both downstairs. Still there's always a silver lining with the running thing.

Thanks, Anna. I may bathe in it. I'll take the phone out of the wall first though.

Del - I can't ignore the phone. It's a physical impossibility. I've tried. The TLC and bedrest sounds good but it's not much fun nursing yourself. You never get fd. Oh! You don't if you have preofessional nurses either, I hear.

Cream - I think my hide is safe. Up the Iron!

8:49 pm  
Blogger Ian T. said...

Ouch! I hope you're feeling better soon - that must've hurt! I slipped in the kitchen rushing out to work last week, but the worst part was the black marks on the floor from the soles on my shoes.

4:38 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

Cherry my baby. That's horrible. Come on you fucking meany single men out there - this girl needs taking out and looking after. Loads of good things about Cherry
She has beautiful red hair.
She is very intelligent
She can write for England
She can make you laugh
She earns money
She has a heart of gold
She needs a cuddle
and loads more that I don't know about.

10:42 am  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

Oh Cherry that looks very painful. And Colourful. As well as Witch Hazel I can recommend Arnica as a wonder bruise remedy. Kepp those nice smelly candles burning and take care of yourself!

3:14 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Those '12 step' plans are a bugger!

I hope you know that this completely obliterated my image of a naked, soapy "make a grown man cry" cherry pie. DOH!

My word that looks brutal!
..and hopefully nobody sees an image of the blessed virgin in that bruise or you'll never get out of your driveway..this is a little weird but I can sort of see a pteradactyl.

Please be more careful and keep us posted on your recovery
(which will require zooming out a bit in the photos...just to make sure that everything is OK of course)

3:57 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Ian, glad you didn't hurt yourself. Could you blame the marks on the dog, perhaps?

Tom - have I told you lately that I virtually love you? xxx

Cherry - do I bathe in it or drink it?

HE, I can see a pteradactyl too now you come to mention it and also a relief map of the UK, complete with county boundaries provided care of my stretch marks. God! I'm sexy.

9:44 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

OUCH! Can it really have been that important? That must have killed. But what I'd really like to see, is how you took a photo of your own rear end.....

10:19 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Joyce,it's a big target so all I had to do was point and shoot, I was bound to hit something. x

11:00 pm  
Blogger kj said...

ouch again. at first i thought this was a strange map of the world, then a hip, and only then a shoulder arm.

i hope you are feeling ok, cherrypie. and what's with tom?: i don't know his blog to know if he is available but he's a guy who appreciates you. i say: be on the lookout for another tom.


2:56 am  
Blogger cream said...

I hope you're feeling better!
Sorry for the apparent lack of sympathy.
Just wanted to make you laugh by dreaming that we could beat yous!Not that you'd care, you are a rubgy girl!

1:50 pm  
Blogger kyknoord said...

Ho-lee shit Batman, that isn't a good colour on you. Here's hoping your recovery is as swift as possible.

6:27 pm  
Blogger Carlz said...

hey there - EINA... that's the Afrikaans version of ouch - I should have said it in hebrew, being Jewish and all :) Great music on your blog. I prayed to Saint Anthony once too - I found what I was looking for 3 weeks later - it actually found me - so I guess the prayer works!

9:32 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OUCH! Well, at least you're not thinking about those darn bank holidays anymore!!!!


Hope you're feeling better soon.


10:58 pm  
Blogger Praying for your Prodigal said...

Sorry--that was me! You have a bruised bumm--my brain is bruised! Can't post without a few bumps this afternoon!


10:59 pm  
Blogger ziggi said...

in a completely unrelated way I'd just like to say I love the music that accompanies your blog!

how is the old arse eh? Turned a lovely shade of greeny yellow yet?

update pic probably required dontcha think?

9:29 am  
Blogger Alice said...

Love that Neil Diamond track.

Sorry you hurt yourself and I hope you make a fast recovery and don't suffer too much in the process.

I'm really enjoying reading what you write. You always make me laugh and most people really don't. So, thanks!

11:07 am  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Lovely post. But I nearly jumped out of my skin when the music started playing.

How did you do that? I need to know NOW, for Bertha the Earthtruck.

(Please pretty please suck up grovel grivvle licking your feet in a tasteful way lovely CP please)

Nfocbag. I don't even want to THINK what that means.

6:01 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Carlz - welkom. I'm glad to hear St. Anthony answered your prayers. Maybe I'll try it in Afrikaans and see if that makes a difference.

Diane - hi stranger. good to see you x

Ziggi, thanks. I'm much happier with the divine Mr Diamond. I thought about showing an updates one, as it is already turning a disgusting shade of yellow but I can't seem to get the angle right. Maybe later after a Friday night glass of wine.

Alice, what a lovely comment.I'm very pleased to meet you and will make a return visit very shortly.

Mark - you deserve a reply all to yourself. Hang on a minute.

7:43 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Mark, foot licking demands an immediate response.

Scroll down the sidebar and you'll see a little black box with a pretty picture of a much younger and enduringly do-able Neil Diamond. Click on the link ( or just go to and lose yourself for hour upon hour putting all sorts of search requests in. I predict shares in YouTube may plummet in your absence.

It's an American site and the catalogue is limited ( no Ramones, no Clash and very little Neil Young or Iggy Pop) but you are sure to find something weirdly obscure that will appeal to your sophisticated musical tastes.

It took me a couple of attempts to get the size of the box right to Paste into my template but eventually found that if I opted for the smallest available, it wouldn't throw everything else out of kilter.

You're lucky you didn't visit a few days ago. I'd originally uploaded a video of a hair metal Warrant singing 'Cherry Pie'. Truly awful but satisfyingly self-promoting. I'm much happier with my current choice. I'll turn it off when I start getting complaints.

Right. Let me know when you're ready and I'll slip off my stockings. XXX

fuutyd - erotic act performed between consenting bloggers

7:49 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Oh. This is a fuutyd?

8:25 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

That doesn't sound very sexy, does it. It seemed funny at the time.

fanibsia - heightened mental state typified by delusional thoughts, recurring daydreams and frantic belly-dancing

8:39 pm  
Blogger Seany said...

Ouch - hope it's healing up by now. And there I was wittering about my Bank Holiday woes - perspective now back in place.

By the way, while I've been away my laptop seems to have become posessed by Neil Diamond and keeps singing to me...

Recommended listening: Marmalade - The Ballad of Cherry Flavour

8:54 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

Cherrypie, sorry I hadn't checked out your last post, I was having a horrid fanibsia, but now I'm back. Cherry, never EVER run to get a phone call. I have heard so many stories of people having accidents when they ran to get phones. It's just not worth it. I myself have tumbled once or twice down the hall while running to pick up the phone only to hear "This is the Police Benevolent Society, can we count on your donation?" Ursula in the Little Mermaid has nothing on me when I answer these calls.
Take care of yourself, Cherry. It will be interesting to see the bruise turning different colors while it's healing, maybe you could post a picture every day?

9:57 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Sean - I can't find that track on the tinterweb. Have you got a copy of it that you can mail and I might try it

11:02 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

"She got the way to move me, Cherry!" says the photo. Oh my -- that's a big owie.

Here it's Labour Day weekend -- my most hated long weekend of the year. It's always the weekend before school begins and having been a student or teacher for most of my life it has always been a weekend of dubious relaxation. Now it should be a fabulous weekend as it means my kids are going back to school and I can go back to the peace and quiet of my work routine, but I still hate it -- partly out of habit and partly because I have an irrational aversion to structure. It also signals the start of the four most chaotic months of the year for a multitude of reasons. more than you ever wanted to know, I'm sure!

As for the single thing, posts like that are bound to get the evil matchmaker in all of us setting you up. Just thank your lucky stars that all the men I know in the UK are married already. Don't come here, either. The ones I know that are unmarried are that way for a reason.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and make sure you sleep on your left side!


Oh no -- you will not believe what the word verif is: hipwc !!!!

6:45 pm  
Blogger Seany said...

Still searching - I'll have to get back to you...

8:26 pm  
Anonymous Beki said...


I'm scared of our stairs after my neighbour told me how the woman who lived here before fell down the stairs and was their for almost two days (she was only 30!)

Hope you are healing well! Arnica is great for bruises

9:55 pm  
Blogger Mise said...

Bloody hell! That's some bruise ...don't forget to take more photos when it is really yellow, like about now!! :-p

Glad you weren't seriously hurt, though. :-D

10:10 am  
Blogger Kate said...

OUCH! I hope the bruises have healed, that one on your arm looks really painful.

I had a stair related accident a few months ago while putting on my slippers, and ended up with similar on my bum.

10:38 am  

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