Tuesday, August 22, 2006

No more running away

I did something yesterday which I never thought I would do voluntarily. Ask anyone and they'd tell you I'd be more likely to sky-dive naked over an army camp in Basra accompanied by the Grimethorpe Colliery Band playing the Birdie Song than enter a bridal shop to choose a wedding dress.

I didn't need antihistamines ( although I had intended to start a course of them over the weekend as a preventative measure). The experience was far more pleasant than I would ever have believed possible. I didn't even sneeze despite being surrounded by more silk, taffeta and tuile to keep Dale Winton in boxer shorts for a year.

It helped, of course, that the beautiful, slim, elegant Rachel, my best friend was the one actually shopping. I was just there for moral support and to help her look even more devastatingly attractive, if that could be possible given her recently-acquired Monaco tan and sun-bleached highlights. She certainly couldn't have expected any expert input from me, I'd have been more likely to run shrieking into a broom cupboard.

As it was, I caught sight of myself in one of the many vast mirrors ( I knew I should have kept my eyes tightly closed but I'd foolishly relaxed after the first 20 minutes or so). Next to the positively princess-like Rachel ( I swear she's going to wear that tiara right up until next July every possible minute, whilst washing up, hoovering and pegging out the washing, just to get used to it of course) I looked like Grotbags.

Which is why I have finally decided that instead of constantly moaning ( and blogging) about how hideous I am, I must reclaim my alpha female. I've already made a start. I went for a run last night. Jack came along as personal trainer/ body guard and general motivator. I got twice as far as I thought I'd get. 1/3 of a mile without stopping once! and then back again. I could have done it again 10 minutes later, once the burning sensation had died down from my calf muscles and I had regained some coordination in my limbs. I didn't. I went home and had a bowl of shreddies for dinner instead. And I've had the same for both meals today so far.

It's late now ( gone 8pm) and I'm still in the office so it will be dark by the time I get home. As appealing the thought of running out of sight of incredulous eyes may be, the fear of collapsing and not being found 'til daybreak takes precedent. So I think I'm going to spend the time making myself a new blog to chart my progress. This is NOT an invitation to view it. The progress is likely to be slow and painful at best. I mention it merely to explain any irrational bouts of anxiety, depression and other manic behaviour which I may display in the foreseeable future.


Blogger Pete said...

good luck CP

I'm right behind you watching you run :D

9:31 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...


I'm an ex-runner myself! More stuff we have in common (crazy about perfumes, love of birds, don't know where we leave things, etc.)!

I used to do almost 2 miles of jogging every day at lunchtime. For some weird reason, I have developed a runner's block? Is that possible? But I think running (or jogging, which is what I do) is one of the best things a person can do, for body, mind and spirit. Go, Cherry!!!!!

By the way, Cherry, I tried a new perfume by Guerlain this weekend, it's called "Insolence." Ok I'm not crazy about that name because I hate insolent people and would love to slap their collective faces BUT this perfume is LOVELY. Let me know if you have tried it.

11:26 pm  
Blogger CeCe said...

Good for you!

Keep us updated on your progress, if you want.

12:09 am  
Blogger Within Without said...


Good on ya, you go girl!

But I've tried Insolence, it didn't help me play football any better or attract anything other than mosquitoes and wasps.

And strange looks from the males at work.

So I'd stay away from it.

5:38 am  
Blogger Pie said...

Go for it Cherry. It takes a little while to start noticing the difference but if you keep up with it you'll feel really good - apart from the aching painful legs and feet that is.

8:45 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

running??? are you mad? running's for the birds. If you want to experience pain how about surgery? Whilst I don't have the actual wonger necessary to undertake such an enterprise myself, I'm thinking of saving up - mebbe. Meanwhile, look on the bright side in 10 years time your eye sight will be going and you won't able to focus on any wrinkly or wobbly bits, and then according to the Realdoc you won't remeber who you are anyway. So much to look forward too and pain free :)

11:23 am  
Blogger Pete said...


meant to say you are not hideous

11:57 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

OK Cherrypie, I'm going to be very brave here and say something that I'll probably regret forever because it is absolutely none of my business.
Go for it girl, because being big is really bugging you, and you are the only one who can do anything about it. You are a beautiful person and us blokes (not me cos I'm married, but I'd be first in the queue if I wasn't) will be queueing up for you, I promise you.
PS. is Shreddies the best way forward. I'd go with an organic wholefood diet, then you can eat loads and still get thin.
Should I click on publish - bollocks, I will.

12:50 pm  
Blogger Kate said...

Well done! And good luck :-)

2:10 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

hoovering, pegging, Grotbags.....
Gosh! I just love the rich language!
Here's the thing about running- do it for more reasons than to get svelt and irresistable. I ran faithfully for a year, then was disgusted because the same basic shape loomed back at me from the mirror. I wish I had gone in deciding simply to become a runner. At any rate, you are beautiful. If you want to run, do it for your mental health. And do add some brocolli and chicken to your shreddie diet........

6:12 pm  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

Shopping with my teeny tiny daughter in the Monsoon sale has made me feel the same! (without the resolve)
Wedding dress shops are a hoot aren't they! Usually owned by a double named woman - SarahElizabeth, or TraceyLouise, these women always manage to make their customers feel poor, disorganised and freakishly formed! Or is it just me, because I am poor, disorganised and freakishly formed!

8:46 pm  
Blogger Anna said...

Wow, seems like loads of people are going with the weight loss thing right now...

Good luck with it.

Don't eat too many Shreddies or you'll get horribly bored and won't be able to face them again... maybe alternate with Weetabix, Shredded Wheat, porridge, some other wholewheat thing?

I'm not going to join the people telling you that you don't need to lose weight, you're gorgeous, etc, not because I don't think it but because my opinion doesn't matter. If you wanna do it, then you should. Just don't fade away to nothing, okay?

And don't lose more than me, you'll make me look bad. ;)

9:24 pm  
Blogger Melora said...

Well, I've thought you looked quite glamorous in the pictures I've seen, but I suppose a little healthy eating and exercise hardly ever hurt anybody. I keep thinking of trying to do some healthier eating myself, but when I consider the chaotic disaster that I am calling a life these days I find myself reaching for another Twix bar every time.

3:27 am  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

You are hilarious.
This is a no brainer.
Nekked skydiving would be way more fun than running any day....
except for Sudden Deceleration Syndrome...
oooh..that's gonna leave a mark.

6:51 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Thank you for your support, everybody.

I went out again last night. In a torrential storm. I was doing really well until a fork of lightening hit a telegraph pole and plunged the village into complete darkness. I promptly ran back to the car.

8:52 pm  
Blogger LuvlyLittleSister said...

Nice one. Keep going with the running & have someone bossy around to make you go when you don't feel like it.

You have more motivation than me. I have a treadmill which I regularly use, but I don't think hanging washing on it counts as exercise.

10:26 pm  
Blogger Rrramone said...

You go girl! I will stand on the sidelines and throw water in your face when you run by. :-)

11:04 pm  
Blogger kj said...

hmmmm: some possible motivation and inspiration to consider such a sane act myself...

getting in shape. hmmmm.

5:35 am  
Anonymous Richard said...

I confess to missing most of this post as I have been fascinated by what naked skydiving does to the ladybumps. That looks uncomfortable in the extreme.

1:05 am  

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