Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A Prayer to St Anthony

I've lost my sunglasses. They're not just any old sunglasses. They are Lafont Jamaique with prescription lenses. They are also magic.

They transform me from this

to this ( that's right, the spy Nikita - and anyone that can't tell the difference gets a slap) in an instant.

I've looked in all the obvious places: the freezer, in the fridge beside the milk, on the telephone cradle, on my head. I've even cleaned out my car and hoovered behind the sofa but they haven't turned up.

I called my opticians, in Glasgow, of course. They can't get hold of another pair as they are out of production. I've trawled the net and found a pair in America but they are double what I paid for them, and that was already a week's wages, 5 years ago. I've even emailed the designer in the hope they might just have a pair lying at the back of a dusty shelf somewhere. I can't think what else I can do. In desperation I offer up this prayer to St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things.

Saint Anthony, perfect imitator of Jesus, who received from God the special power of restoring lost things, grant that I may find my fabulous sunglasses which have been lost. At least restore to me peace and tranquility of mind, the loss of which has afflicted me even more than my material loss. To this favor I ask another of you: that I may always remain in possession of the telephone number of Niche Optical Tailors of Candleriggs, Glasgow, oh, and that I might find a website of equally stylish vintage frames. Let me rather lose all things than lose my reserve pair of Guess sunspecs, my second favourites. Let me never suffer the loss of my greatest treasure, my pale blue horn-rimmed everyday glasses. Amen.


Blogger Carmenzta said...

And St. Anthony, while you're at it, please let us have dental health so we never, EVER look like the first picture in Cherrypie's post. It wouldn't hurt to have plastic surgeons marry us, either. Amen.

10:12 pm  
Blogger Seany said...

Let me know if they do show up and I might offer a prayer or two myself - I've a list of lost things to recover: the plot, marbles, scruples, recollection of getting home after a good night out, etc.

I'd get me coat if only I could find it :)

10:59 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

An almost Monty Pythonesque prayer, Cherry, but don't be too disturbed.

You don't look TOO bad without them. Just put a little makeup on and get your hair done.

12:19 am  
Blogger kj said...

cherrypie, i will use my childhood catholism to beseech st. anthony to return your sunglasses.

did you look in the freezer? the washing machine? how about the junk drawer?

you should not have to suffer designer depression. i hope st. anthony comes through.


2:38 am  
Blogger CeCe said...

Ha ha, NICE.. good luck finding them!

3:21 am  
Blogger MIKE DA HAT said...

I suggest you look behind the fridge. We had to buy a fridge for our workshop just so we'd know where anything was when we'd lost it. It would always be behind the fridge. Hope this helps.

11:38 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Carmentza - give me a shout if your prayers are answered.

Seany - have you tried looking behind the fridge? Mike seems to think that's where everything might be

WW - Gee. I wish British blokes were as easyto please as you.

KJ - thanks

CeCe - bet your fabulous Armondo would just buy you a bigger better pair

Mike - thank you for your wise words. I shall look there this very evening. Of course, my fridge is builtin so it might take me a while to unscrew all the cupboards and remove the worktops but I'm sure it'll be worth it if indeed they are there.

1:03 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

I don't remember giving permission for you to post a picture of me without my dentures in....

2:14 pm  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

St Anthony always comes up trumps for me. My glasses are usually on windowsills. My sunglasses are usually under my bum in the car in several pieces.

7:03 pm  
Blogger delcatto said...

Look in the least obvious place.
The rubbish bins; on top of the dogs head;in the newly potted plant;the local post box;etc...
Any warmer or still not found them?
Pretend to buy a new pair; say it very loudly in each room and hey presto! they just might turn up.
That's what Tony and George are doing and they expect the WMD to turn up in Iraq.

7:39 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

I think that St. Anthony may be out with St. Hubbins,who if I recall correctly was identified as the patron saint of quality footwear in Spinal Tap.

8:05 pm  
Blogger Pie said...

Do you have a phone number for this Nikita?

10:27 am  
Blogger Kate said...

If your fridge is built in definitely look behind it, that is where they will be.

Oh and ditto everything Carmnezta said.

7:18 pm  
Anonymous QwadiJumblat said...

Sorry for the practical advice but they are here at 210USD model 905 @

Does St.Tony have a cheque book?

5:37 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Thank you for the advice, Qwadi and many welcomes.

I am very much looking forward to the pancakes next February but I am concerned that you may have some terrible wasting disease to have spent long enough to trawl back through my archives to February. Should I know you? x

8:43 pm  
Anonymous qwadijumblat said...

Ha! no wasting disease, however I was taken by your lovely style and I was just calling your attention as if you'd dropped a glove.

Have you seen your bridge on the BBC? - I voted for it.

Hmmm - you appear to have lost your cherry too! Do you want another maybe without leeching from a neighbour?

"many welcomes"? - I'm not from squiggly letterland you know. :-)

1:49 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

I don't know why I typed 'Many welcomes'. I don't think I've ever said anything like that in reality, although I have been known to use the Gaelic 'Caed maile Failte- when flirting with tall handsome Irishmen.

I'm not certain I understand your cherry reference, which is probably a good thing.

Thank you very much on behalf of my bridge and I, for the vote. I've thrown my twopenneth in there too and may well use it as inspiration for a future post. Bridges always go down well and it seems mine needs all the help it can get. x

2:33 am  

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