Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The entire world seems to comprise of couples. Am I the only person currently resting between dysfunctional relationships?

I started to notice it quite keenly on Friday night. Mrs Roger couldn't say more than 6 words without inserting a random " Roger" into the sentence. I completely understand and no doubt I'd be much the same in her marital position instead of regaling her with ever more shocking tales of relationships that have recently broken up in increasingly unusual and unexpected ways ( I swear I didn't intend to do this and can only plead underlying psychological problems made me do it). And it is marginally better discussing the object of her affections and desires than home improvements ( which she and Roger and doing together in their fabulous new love nest). I felt very much like a little girl allowed to go and stay with a posh, wealthy grown-up friend of the family.

Jack could quite easily have had a girl round given that I left him on his own for the night for the first time ever. I hadn't intended to, I'd arranged that he was staying at a mate's but made some excuse as to why he hadn't when my Dad rang me next morning to say he had just woken him up by knocking on the door. Either he'd slept alone or the girl was very very still and quiet while my Dad busied himself about my house doing various small jobs that only he had noticed needed doing.

All the people in the pub on Saturday night were much loved-up pairs and not one single attractive man needed serving so I trudged back home ( I'd had my hair streaked and worn a fab new top and bra to no avail) and read a book for a bit before deciding to head for bed.

No sooner had my head hit the pillow than I started to hear noises coming through the wall. Either my 70-odd year old neighbours were straining to move heavy wardrobes around in the middle of the night or they still have a twinkle in their eye. That was the last straw.

I am the only celibate person on the planet! or at least in My World.

So tonight I'm working at the pub again. They are having a special function - an Anne Summers party. I've spent all day wondering which part of my budget I can use for any purchases - Household and Electrical? Beauty? or just Every Day Essentials? Well, after all, Jack's going away at the end of the week for the rest of the month so I can do without milk in my tea.

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