I've dusted off my Bet Lynch earrings, dug my WonderBra out of the bottom of the drawer and made my return to bar-maiding. It's only intended to be a temporary thing, helping Shelley out while she looks after a pub for a month but already someone else has taken my number to pass onto another local Landlord so there's a good chance that it might last a bit longer - about 30 years would be good, just to see me through the rough years of mortgage repayments.

I quite enjoyed it, being out in public having the semblance of a social life that is, without feeling guilty about squandering away the leccy money. The odds looked pretty good too, just me, Shelley and one other barmaid with about 30 customers, all male, on the first night. That was until a closer inspection revealed that at a rough count there were only about 20 teeth between the lot of 'em. I don't think I shall be finding my future husband amongst these punters. There's the odd good looking one that wanders in but invariably, been there done that years ago, when I was much slimmer and prepared to let a bloke within 50yards of my wobbly bits.

Anyway, my first month of home ownership is drawing to a conclusion and remarkably I still have a credit balance in my bank account, albeit incredibly small. My car is still struggling on although I really must remember to pick up some oil, I keep thinking I've left an indicator on every time the oil light flashes on the dashboard. The house has not yet been burnt down by Jack and his mates and the neighbours are still talking to me. I've even managed to have a salad for lunch for the last 2 days and my waist band is feeling a bit looser despite still not having got closer to the exercise bike than the conservatory sofa.

Things are looking pretty good at the minute.