Well I wasn't expecting that to happen. No sooner had I resigned myself to spending yet another lonely bank holiday having been stood up by the very same mate who had been attempting to cheer me up, than I get an invitation to dinner from a copper.

Being a reformed speedster, I don't get many opportunities to chat to traffic cops anymore so I accepted and spent the next 2 hours delousing the house. I figured I had time to jump in the shower, sort out my unruly hair and even paint my toenails before he arrived ( I didn't expect him to break the speed limit coming across from the Lake District).

He was here in just over 2 hours - I was dripping wet and bare-cheeked, literally. Fortunately, Jack had just arrived home from watching my hunky step-brother and Team Bude battling it out at the National Water-Kayaking Polo tournament ( I wasn't allowed to go - something to do with blood pressure and threat of lewd behaviour). So he greeted him, made hima cup of tea ( without complaining) and bought me suficient time to make myself decent and presentable.

We had a wander around Lincoln ( again, I hope the locals aren't counting how many diferent men I take there), tried to get into every worthy eaterie this side of the Pennines and ended up in a decidedly average Italian in Dullsville. I made coffee when we got back ( authentic, I brought a year's supply of Danesi back from Rome).

Today I popped over to see Grim Jim and his photos from Rome, got his scanner working and then came back to search for my MOT certificate and motor insurance policy. I have found my MOT but my schedule is currently alluding me - I've found the last 4 years but not the one that arrived last month. Well, if filing had been my strong point, I'd have been a secretary instead of a boss.

I shall be calling Directline in the morning and praying I haven't started a stampede of traffic coppers in the meantime.