Thursday, October 19, 2006

Duvet Dieting

I have chanced upon a potentially wonderful new way to lose weight without counting calories, avoiding potatoes or breaking into a sweat in the gym. It doesn't require any special equipment, expensive supplies of vitamin compound or public humiliation at the weekly weigh-in. It's something that we all do to a greater or lesser extent every day. It involves giving up reading at night. Easy? Huh! I'd have more chance of quitting breathing.

I've been reading as long as I can remember, long before I started school. My mother jokes that I came out quoting the notes on her birth chart ( and she could have pushed a bit harder if you ask me). I'd completed the reading scheme by the end of the first year of infants and started on the reference books in what was laughably described as a Library, a random selection of shabby hardbacks accumulated over a period of about 50 years stored in a folding bookcase in the corner of Mrs Cleary's class. It was here that I displayed my first and subsequently unrepeated anal behaviour. I sorted it according to the Dewey Decimal system over a wet playtime. Mrs Cleary always treated me like the child from The Omen after that.

At night, I'd be allowed to snuggle into bed with a book for about half an hour. Lightsout was always just as I was getting to a really good bit, George and Timmy would be leading Julian and the other soppy two into a dark, forgotten cave to discover a smuggling ring or the bully at Mallory Towers had just fallen splat in a puddle as she'd tried to cheat at lacrosse, later it might be Pip and Miss Haversham or Heathcliff that kept me hungry for more. I'd turn the bedside light back on as soon as I heard the door close at the bottom of the stairs, only turning it off when I heard the sounds of my parents coming to bed - even then, if it was a really really gripping read ( I was doing 2 Wilbur Smith's a week at 10) I'd wait until they'd finished in the bathroom and turn it back on.

Dad caught me out one night when I'd forgotten he'd walked to the pub. Normally, I'd hear the distinctive rattling of his truck coming up the hill and kill the light before he turned the corner. That night, he took the bedside lamp away. If I stretched my foot out of the corner of the bed, I was soon able to pull the dangling light switch with my toes. I got found out with that one too so they unscrewed the bulb. They thought they'd cured it for months until one night they found me wrapped foetally around The Hobbit on the landing. I think they pretty much gave up after that.

I still do it, thinking nothing of sitting up til 4am if the book warrants it, and it frequently does but today scientists announced a link between obesity and lack of sleep in childhood. It can lead to hormonal disturbances apparently.

I was sent another interesting article today too. Proof enough that I am not a fat, miserable cow after all. I'm just really tired and in the wrong job.


Blogger andrea said...

My skinny 12 year old has trouble sleeping and my average 13 year old is a champion sleeper, so I don't buy it. As for being a miserable lawyer, apparently all artists have ADHD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder and some sort of antisocial disorder. A little knowledge...

9:02 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds a bit like my youth. ah the Famous Five. lashings of Ginger Beer.

when I met my friend Jan her husband said oh he'll have his head in a book waiting for us. ah Mr Predicatable......

9:50 pm  
Blogger Stegbeetle said...

I've always been a skinny git but if it came to the choice between quitting reading and being fat then I'm sorry but pass me the books and get me something with an elasticated waistband!

Oh by the way, you're not miserable - read your own blog. Far from miserable, more like witty and entertaining. And as you've been brave enough to post pictures of your good self it's plain to see you're not fat either. Now pack that shit up, okay?!

10:25 pm  
Blogger CeCe said...

Hmm, I haven't read a book in a long time... Maybe I should keep that up after the baby comes to help me lose the weight! Hee hee. Oh wait... The baby will be keeping me up. Dang, there's goes that plan.

3:26 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

Oh you bring back wonderful memories of hiding under the bed covers with a flashlight and reading till dawn.

I remember reading
Shogun in one night. My parents were unable to stop me and after a while, they gave up trying.

7:40 am  
Blogger ziggi said...

there's nothing better than a good read - many is the time I've read until I can turn off the light because the dawn sun is bright enough to read by!

9:47 am  
Blogger Ces said...

Cherry Pie, this is a wonderful post. "Kill the light" struck me. That is how I used to say it before I came to the states. I miss saying that.

11:58 am  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

oh let me get fat then. do i care?

4:08 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Ah, you beautiful thing!

I didn't read a damn thing when I was a kid except for Classics Illustrated, Superman, Batman and Green Lantern comics, but I lived for them.

Your insatiable appetite for knowledge and adventure through books says a lot about who you are now.

You're a compelling character WITH great character, Cherry Pie. And don't let anyone tell you any different.

Thanks for yet another smile.

8:41 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Andrea - I don't really buy it either save that I can't be stuffing cheese in my mouth when I'm asleep

Pete - I've only ever seen you with a scope or a pint of beer in your hands. Funny that...

Steg - I didn't know you could be so bossy

CeCe - not long to go now

Pamela - I never did think to use a torch. That would have been so less risky

Ziggi - yet another example of something upon which we agree

Ces- hop over here and feel free to kill the lights or any other phrase of your choice. I've been trying to comment on your fish vendors without success but I shall persevere

CJ - I imagine you as very lithe

WW - I like the gap between your teeth :) xx

9:50 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

If you took a bottle of wine into bed with you, would you be a happy, chubby, well-read alcoholic as well?

I think all that reading is just wonderful. I usually read two pages, then fall into a dead sleep. Hence, I wipe bums, whereas you have a real job, with real documents.

Lets do study on that!

11:23 pm  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

Aren't we all allowed to be miserable fat old bags at times? And at other times we're lively, vibrant wonderful women who... who... well, we do something I'm sure!

Enid Blyton, the blankets and a torch... bliss :-)

1:45 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Joyce - you've guessed my secret

Sharon - the miserable fat old bag is eating into my wonderful vibrant time

12:33 pm  
Blogger kj said...

cherrypie, great post indeed. i don't read in bed much anymore but i couldn't put down 'the mists of avalon' for the 3 days or more it took me to read that thick fine book.

i hate to confirm that lawyers are among the unhappiest occupations. you know why, and fortunately, you're none of that.

i'm channeling a lunch in canada....

x0x yourself,

5:41 am  
Blogger Mise said...

Ditto about the reading, but especially about this: 'I'm just really tired and in the wrong job.'

10:14 am  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home