Thursday, July 06, 2006

Over the Sea to Skye

I want to set the record straight on a few ethnophaulisms ( my favourite word for the day).

  • It is unfair to say that it always rains in Scotland. Sometimes it snows.

  • The place is not riven with midges. At least not when it is raining or windy. The midges only emerge when the weather improves to the point that you might actually want to spend some time outdoors.

  • Scotland has mile upon mile of beautiful open country, majestic mountains, deep, misty glens, romantic, brooding lochs, stretching as far as the eye can see, and not another person in sight. This is because they are all hiding indoors away from the midges.

  • The Scottish are not constantly moaning and bewailing their fate of 300 years ago. That is the sound of their bagpipes.

  • The Scots are the real masterminds behind global warming. They have correctly identified that their country would be a truly idyllic place if it were a few degrees warmer. They see it, each and every one of them, as their patriotic duty to let off as much hot air as possible about the English at every possible opportunity to hasten the melting of the polar icecaps. They take a very balanced approach to this - chips on both shoulders.

I need not fear offending our Northern cousins. They all have excellent, highly-developed senses of humour. They cost nothing, after all.

Actually, I enjoyed a lovely time with the Wee Quiet One last weekend. He took me on a whistle-stop tour of the most spectacular countryside. It was enough to have me grinning from ear to ear the whole time if it wasn't for the fact that the G-Force effect already had me in a permanent ricture. His beloved Saab isn't so much souped up as perfectly potaged.

The highlight was undoubtedly the 5 minke whales we watched feeding for an hour and half from within 10/15 feet. Awesome.

Gordy did let me take some pictures with his camera ( mine is currently accommpanying Jack Down Under) and had offered to email them onto me, until I took a perfectly composed shot of one of Scotland's most treasured castles. Through the windscreen of his car. The rain spattered windscreen. Well, it was equally as funny as Christiano Ronaldo's penalty to my mind.


Blogger Seany said...

Ethnophaulisms - what an excellent word! By the time I'd looked it up in Wikipedia, then double checked "disparagement", then "cognitive", I gave up and decided it must be one of words them there crazy foreigners make up :)

8:57 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

lovely pic

nice to have you back CP.

9:18 pm  
Blogger Stegbeetle said...

The Scots are indeed fabulous people who are fiercely proud of their homeland. And with views like that who can blame them.

9:34 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

Thanks for taking us there, Cherry...midges, snow, bagpipes, G-force and all!

Sounds like you had a wee great time. Did you try some haggis, now lassie?

5:19 am  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

I just watched Trainspotting again last week and between that, Braveheart, groundskeeper Willy on the Simpsons and Mike Myer's So I Married An Axe Murderer I have acquired a great kinship with those parsimonious red headed kilt lovin'(goin' commando) haggis chompin bagpipin' bog hoppin' sheep lovin' lassie breedin' bluefaced Macthis or MacThats to the North.

I loved your astute observations on the barren wastelands and entymological horrors of Scotland, it sounds just like Canada. (Except we really need to wear underwear brrr)

7:06 am  
Blogger Quietman said...

Wee Quiet One? For the record, I'm 6ft and 18 stone (for international readers that's 252lbs or 114.5Kg).
In the interests of fairness I should say that we both got sun-burned, that the midges only attacked once and, while Ronaldo's penalty was a thing of beauty and a joy to behold, he is a cheating wee rat and I was delighted to see the Portuguese beaten in the next round.

9:38 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

Glad you had a lovely time up in Scotland Cherry. Thanks for reminding me about the midges though - I was looking at how cheap the farms were up there and wondering why.

9:57 am  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

You know, of course, why bagpipers always walk while they're playing?

To get away from the noise.

10:22 am  
Blogger Kate said...

Welcome back :-)

What a lovely pic, it looks so beautiful up there.

12:39 pm  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

Mark is starting to sound like our friend Frontier Editor.

Cherrypie, lovely picture and I'm glad you enjoyed your trip!

kyxjs - skin condition produced in the scrotal area of bagpipe players in Scotland during midge season.

5:20 pm  
Blogger cream said...

My first landlady in Edinburgh was a Mrs McDonald! Very tight!
We were allowed two sliced of toast and no more.
Glad to say I got away after two months of purgatory!
But I know some very generous Scots!

Great photo, Cherrybabe!

5:35 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Sean - I found the word on wikipedia. It's great. I may use it again.

We did have haggis, neeps and tatties. I don't believe I'd have been allowed past Highland Customs if I hadn't.

HE - I'm so glad to know you wrap yourself up warm x

11:27 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

He's right. He is tall and not your puny seven-stone weakling. But he did insist on covering himself in Avon body lotion. It's an SAS survival trick to repel the midges apparently.

It certainly seemed to work.

11:30 pm  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Ahh, so many places to respond and so little time . . .

First, on a serious note: Cherry, all the phot needs is the Skye Boat Song playing in the background.

Mark - our problem in Virginia is that everyone here who tries to play the bagpipes only knows "Amazing Grace." What about the real fire-breathing stuff like "The Barren Rocks of Aden" and "Cock o' the North"?

Carmentza - You gotta love two bitter semi-old folks like Mark and I, since we do have a deep, underlying respect for humanity. In my case, I occasionally extend that respect to others ;^D

And Cherry again - Avon Skin So Soft does work on bugs, including mosquitoes. I speak from experience, and I should note that I used it ONLY as bug repellent . . . .

By the way, welcome back B^D

1:39 am  
Blogger Melora said...

What a gorgeous picture!!! That is the type of scenery I want to see out my window as I sip my morning coffee (but no midges, please).
I've heard of the bug repellant properties of Skin-so-soft. I think it is a sign of good sense for a fellow to use a product that leaves his skin silky soft as well as free of bug bites.

4:55 am  
Blogger MIKE DA HAT said...

The last time I was in Scotland I went to a pub and asked for a beer and heard a voice behind me say "Fcuking English Bastards" it was a little old lady with a pink rinse. She repeated it a few more times in case I didn't hear it the 1st time round. Then the barmaid told me "We've only got the heavy." It was a good start to my holiday and went down hill from there. Lovely place and lovely people.

1:11 pm  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Beautiful!! And yes, that was my knee. :-)

3:02 pm  

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