Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Romeos' Fossil Heart Wares

Popular ads would suggest that the mere sight of a beautiful woman leads some men to impromptu purchases of posies of flowers and ponderances on whether she is wearing hairspray/ perfume/ under-wiring.

I have experienced similar phenomena.

A couple of months ago a very friendly, though odd-looking ( think Stig of the Dump meets Hobbit) chap, felt compelled to give me these.

They are a form of micro-fossil. These particular ones being sea urchin spines. This sweet guy had sifted them from the quarry where he was/ is foreman. The quarry covers 4 acres and is 40ft deep, and growing. The sample shown in the poor photo would fill less than a quarter of a teaspoon. They barely skim the floor of the plastic 35mm film case that is their home and care must be taken not to observe them when suffering from the common cold or any other illness likely to produce sudden and insistent sneezes.

He suggested a tentative second meeting at a Rocks and Gems Fair the following weekend ( we met on a geology course and shared a biscuit over a margarine tub of ammonites). His eagerness and my innate phobia of anything brilliantine cut caused me to inadvertently forget to turn up.

The gift of a fossil, or many of them albeit tiny ones, is an unlikely and quite rare event for most women, one would assume. A quick census of my friends would suggest that it is unique to me in our locality. I find that unusually satisfying and, even more unusually, thought myself sated of such an unexpected delight.

Today I was presented with this >>

It is a fossilised sea urchin, the type from which the desiccated spines would have erstwhile wafted.
I had known the donor less than 2 hours and had spent most of that time glued to my binoculars looking at a hungry Little Egret whilst maintaining a steady and pleasant conversation in a bird hide with the former owner and discoverer of the 50,000 years dead creature ( 1 or 2 of which are reported to turn up every 50 years or so). I also received an open invitation to join him for lingering walks along Spurn Point, where he can be found fossil hunting most Saturdays. He was very impressed that I have my own, still virgin, hammer.

Who needs hay-fever inducing flowers, glass-scratching diamonds or knee-trembling clinches when you are handed such enduring displays of devotion! I'm sold to the first ( fully-toothed, clean-shaven, pre-retirement, Scrabble-playing) man that can bring me a Belomnite bigger than my big toe.


Blogger andrea said...

Nothing says, "I think you're groovy" more than an offering of sea urchin spines. Warms the cockles (not to mention the mussels), doesn't it?

3:36 am  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

I rang up Attenborough to see what I could do for you and he said to ask if you would settle for some ammonite fossils?
He went on to say that some grew as large as a lorry wheel.
Apparently you can find one of these giants embedded in the honey-coloured limestones of central England or the hard blue rocks of Dorset. Some 100 million years ago their dynasty ended and save for the Nautilus, they became the most sophisticated and intelligent of all molluscs, the squids and octopus.
Um thanks David, I will make the inquiry, see you Thursday.
(The man is indefatigable in his lecturing but he is such a terrible Bluffer that I cannot afford to abandon our Thursday night Poker matches).

5:10 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

Cherrypie, As a casual but regular visitor to your blog over the past few weeks, I'm beginning to wonder if you might be a little on the choosy side when it comes to blokes. I'll tell you now, no woman has ever offered me a fossil of any kind, let alone a fucking ammonite.
Why, not so long ago a bloke offered you a trip round the Scottish islands and you spurned him. It's making me very nervous about the offer I am putting together for you.

9:44 am  
Blogger Quietman said...

Tom, you been on the angry pills? I didn't realise that I'd been spurned unless Cherry's had another offer of an island trip.

9:58 am  
Blogger cream said...

Cherrybabe, I once stood on a sea urchin... Took donkeys to get the spines out!

Scrabble, yeah!
You'll only beat me with your virgin hammer and only then you'll be a "belle one night"!o)

11:03 am  
Blogger Vicus Scurra said...

Tom, women are loathe to mention the subject of old fossils with you lest it causes offence.
I am sure there are dozens of women who have offered you a trip round the Scottish Islands, and maybe even one or two who would accompany you.
Did you know that Ammonites are a people of the old testament? This could lead to lots of funny comments when discussing fossils. If you could be bothered.

11:04 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

Quietman, You're keeping her waiting too long, or is it the other way around. With all these cyber-predators around you can't afford to get complacent.
Vicus, that's what I said, no-one's ever offered me an ammonite, fossil or otherwise.

11:49 am  
Blogger Quietman said...

It's worth reiterating that my interest in Cherry is purely platonic and I'd be delighted to see a cyber-predator sweep her off her feet.
In addition I'm gap toothed, hirsute and scared by any words greater than 3 syllables so fail on 75% of her qualifying criteria.

1:12 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

Tell your suitor you'd prefer he find some old coal that's been under pressure for a while.

Does this mean that Vicus and Tom qualify as artifacts?

2:23 pm  
Anonymous Beki said...

Watch out - he's trying to get you stoned!

I'll get my coat....

2:58 pm  
Blogger Mark Gamon said...

The Bechstein has never offered me a fossil, but she did give me some very nice bits of Roman roof tile. They live in a flowerpot now, and look very decorous.

Pamela - coal dust? Is that sexy? ;)

9:42 am  
Blogger Carmenzta said...

I agree with Andrea, you must be one groovy chick to attract cute, intelligent, Scrabble-playing pro and amateur geologist he-babes!

Of course, I like pressurized carbon-based minerals the best!

3:15 pm  
Blogger krusty the baker said...

Carmenzta - will flawed or rough do? Cherry, when I've had my wisdom teeth put in will I fit the bill? Ish? I've got what is alleged to be a shark's tooth of great age somewhere, though I'll have to take their word for it.

7:40 pm  
Blogger Melora said...

I'd rather have urchin spines from someone I could spend two hours in pleasant conversation with, than flowers from some boring fellow who shared none of my interests! I would also allow some wiggle room on the teeth and shaving status (but then, I like beards), but I agree with you on the age cut-off and Scrabble requirement.

2:05 am  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Dear Cherry,
re:other side of the mountain that you did not take any personal offense to my reference of those souless members of the bar who are engaged in the practice of devil worship and animal sacifice,
I mean Family Law, as vampires.

Please note that I made no such reference to the highly esteemed and insanely ethical Commercial and Property Rights practitioners such as yourself.

For 15 years in my role as a commercial realtor I had the good fortune, indeed one might say priviledge, of dealing with dozens of competent, well mannered lawyers. (All of whom, on behalf of the Lessors, tried in vain, to screw me out of my fees on a regular basis..neener, neener, neeener!)

So let us put this ugliness behind us. (Besides my attorney says that your slander suit is frivolous and without merit, so take the bloody $50K and let's move on.OK?)

Sincerely and without malice aforethought,
Homer S. Capeons

4:38 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Tom - I actually have a fab weekend planned in Scotland with that Quietman very soon. I'm really looking forward to it but I'd not mentioned it for fear of boring everyone ( or putting off any other potential suitors that might wander by.

Your perception is spot on though. It's not the first time I've been branded Choosy.

7:01 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Cream - Mrs Roger stood on a sea urchin within the first 10 minutes of arriving at the hotel on our first ever holiday together. It was agony! She had some discomfort too.

Vicus - what's the difference between an Ammonite and a Mennonite? Brian, can you help out here please?

Quietman - you sound like you could be describing Madonna.

7:05 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Andrea, Pamela and Carmentza - I think I'd break out in hives if I came within 20 paces of any of that type of pressurised carbon - I'm sure I'd soon manage to build up a tolerance though.

I was actually thrilled with the urchin and have had it in my pocket to show people all week. I've never had so many pitying looks.

7:08 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Mark - I'm impressed with the roman roof tile. The first time I went to Rome, Mrs Roger's mother stole some pieces of mosaic, I think you call them tesseri, from Caracalla's Baths. I was convinced we were going to get stopped by customs and charged with stealing antiquities

Krusty - who needs wisdom teeth? I had mine taken out years ago. In fact, you know that tooth you were given...

7:13 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Melora - I totally agree with you and I'm not so shallow as to think only traditional hunky bronzed life-guard types are attractive. On the contrary, some of the superficially beautiful people I know are amongst the dullest, and the gap-toothed, hairy, bald, bewhiskered or broken-nosed ones, far more likely to get my heart racing, my eyes sparkling and my interest aroused.

The chap on Wednesday was retired, had a beard, was rounder than a weeble and wasn't that much taller than me, but if he'd invited me to dinner, I'd have gone like a shot because his conversation was so good.

7:24 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Mr Scapeons - I am rarely, if ever offended. I'm far too thick-skinned. It's something they teach you in Law School.

I am touched by your admission. Thank you for sharing that with me. x

7:27 pm  

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