Thursday, November 02, 2006


It's been a long hard holidayless year so far and my usual customer service sheen has started to show signs of tarnish. I'm using clipped speech more and more, rather than the softer approachable style that I prefer to adopt and I am ending most conversations with 'Fuckwit', thankfully still only once I have replaced the handset but it's surely just a matter of time.

My secretaries have started to make me coffees. I suspect they may be planning to lace them with Prozac. If they had more flipping initiative, they'd have been doing it for months but they'd argue they aren't paid enough to make executive decisions.

It was rather surprising in such a climate to receive a gift package from a client today. It was even more bizarre to find Wallace & Gromit toast stencils, a carving knife and a magic stick-on bra inside. He'd got the cup size right, D. I have no idea what prompted such an unexpected, but frankly practical and rather wonderful gesture.

NB. Models own


Blogger ziggi said...

hmmmmm? what DID you do for him?? Have you tried the bra yet? Do they actually stay on? And what sticks them there??

10:16 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what you need to go with the "toast" is some nice Wensleydale Cheese and a Cracking "D" Cup of tea. Then maybe a grand day out?

10:32 pm  
Blogger Ces said...

I have the same question as Ziggy does, except I can't stop laughing! LOL!!!

Prozac is not bad. I know some people who are on it and thank God, they are!

12:46 am  
Blogger kj said...

i'm in a total fog. i am laughing but i don't know why. i'm trying to remember the details of the last time someone sent me a bra in the mail....

3:10 am  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

I'm afraid to comment lest Ziggi and Pam attribute vegetative qualities to some aspect of my anatomy

3:35 am  
Blogger Within Without said...

Yes, I must admit I too am curious about what you did (or planted the hope you would do) for this client.

Evidently, your speech was not clipped at all with him and you didn't like call him a "fuckwit."

(*Shakes head thinking about that combination of words*)

A D Cup Diva, eh. Well how does it stick on, then? Something involving physics, no doubt.


You mean as in cauliflower ear?

4:14 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

I find nothing at all remotely vegatative about this post. No, not even a cauliflower.

However I too am wondering just what sort of customer service results in the mailing of a bra.

I must be in the wrong business.

5:20 am  
Blogger Dave said...

I, of course, couldn't comment about the rude items.

That seems to leave me nothing to say.

Oh, but whiule I'm here, the bedroom action thing was in a private e-mail between us, not on my blog, which my son reads, so do you mind not referring to it publically in my comment column.

As I just appear to have done.

8:18 am  
Blogger Cherry Rolfe said...

I would be afraid - very afraid. That is one very strange parcel.

10:27 am  
Blogger delcatto said...

Did you sort out a 'storm in a D-cup' for this client?
That is one very strange package indeed. do they stick on?

10:48 am  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

Please note that Dave, WW and I all have refrained from asking for a photo of how well the bra fits. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we still have a thin, brittle veneer of manners >8^D>

WW, I was thinking of a more root cause for concern, actually

pmkra: a short, stabbing sword used by prementrual Zulu woman warriors at Roark's Drift in 1879

11:03 am  
Blogger Dave said...

FE, you mean I was the only one who was e-mailed the before and after photos?

12:21 pm  
Anonymous Sharon J said...

Do you perhaps have a stalker you don't yet know about? Maybe he's hoping to peep through the curtains to see you trying on your new sticky stay ons while making W&G toast. Sounds kinky to me! Still, we girls of a certain age have to take our thrills where we get them, don't we?

12:53 pm  
Blogger Joyce said...

I NEVER get that sort of care package. NOt ever.

1:51 pm  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...


You bahstahd.

7:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As long as the secretaries aren't lacing your coffee with arsenic then.....

12:17 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

I hadn't actually done anything for him at that point. I have now directed him to another office. I kept the bra though.

I haven't taken it out of its packaging yet but I am told that if you stick them on as far apart as possible and then clip them together, you get a rather pronounced effect. In my case, I think it would be less cleavage, more ravine.

I think it must be a combination of suction and tension, a formula that I find crops up in many aspects of life.

1:45 am  
Blogger Pamela said...

Cherry, I'm sure your comment about 'suction' caused some 'tension' for FE, Dave and WW.

You know how men are about such things.

BTW, thanks for the photos, they really are rather gravity-defying, aren't they?

2:01 am  
Blogger tom909 said...

So Cherry, I'm not to impolite to ask for a photo babe. Go for it - bet you'd get loadsa comments.

8:59 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm more worried about the carving knife, Cherrybabe!
The guy's a loony!

10:47 am  
Blogger Within Without said...

So Pam got photos, and the rest of us didn't? I thought this was a kinder, gentler, sharing community.

And I'm sure the suction and tension comment was deliberately inflicted to cause agony.

You know how men are about these things.

2:47 pm  
Blogger andrea said...

He's looking for a discount ... and maybe the chance to cop a feel. (Always the cynic.)

3:52 pm  
Blogger Carlz said...

another one of life's unexplainable little gems!

7:33 pm  
Blogger Melora said...

What, exactly, is a toast stencil?
I like the combination of items, anyway, although a bra seems like a rather personal sort of a gift. T. enjoyed the picture as he walked past the computer.

2:55 am  

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