Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Windows Wide Open


This is a very rare sight. A whole week devoid of meetings, training schedules or some form of corporate networking.
I was quite shocked when I first saw it and immediately panicked that I had forgotten to write down an important date; that as I was driving to work tomorrow, a potential future Chief Exec would be struggling through the role-play part of his interview with only an empty chair to bounce off.

But, hey, I should be embracing this rare gem of a week amongst months of interminably long meetings, killing time on touchlines, trying not to make my (parental) interest in the development of the players' thighs too obvious, making polite conversation and feigning interest in a business contact's hobbies ( the worst was the guy who burst forth about his penchant for colonic irrigation almost as our hands shook for the first time - it didn't help that the starter was Brown Derby Soup)?

It was only once I got home that I realised the true implications of my bonus time. I was going to have to think pretty sharpish if I wanted to legitimately avoid the washing, ironing, cleaning, gardening or other domestic duty that I routinely fail to do with the aid of my usual schedule. I didn't have to think for long. The phone rang and I was out of that door quicker than the fungus spores were reproducing in my Shed.

Later, as I sat on his new sofa ( yet another without arms - how's a girl supposed to loll comfortably?), sipping a bottle of cold beer to wash down the delicious home-cooked curried lamb koftas I'd just eaten, companionably watching "Wife Swap", I felt sufficiently warm towards him to confess that I had blogged about him in my previous post. He reacted much as I'd expected, pleased that I'd used the best pic ever taken of him, and rather flattered to have been likened to a beat poet. Phew! Got out of that one. We continued to watch the telly.

I rarely bother with it now as I don't yet trust the Shed's water-repelling abilities to place large electrical items within it so when I do come across one, I'm hypnotised by the bright, pretty colours. Tonight it was mainly pink thanks to a rather-deluded bint from Bolton. We were united in our dislike of all the major players and loudly exclaimed as much to one another at frequent intervals. " How do you think they met?", Marko was referring to the reclusive couple who'd scuttled up to Lewis to avoid the horrors of modern day life, such as friends, parties, acrylic nails so scary that they actually induced tears or evil crisps. I wagered Church. I was shot down in flames. " No way! They met in a Hide they did!"

See - it never ever takes long. Irritating Bastard!

( Beki - If you've come back, I know you are probably puzzling over how you could possibly have inspired this drivel. I came to a natural full stop, to have gone on to relate the time that I'd waited (im)patiently for weeks for the promised surprise mail-order gift to arrive after he'd flown off to some fabulously exotic location that all the other wives and girlfriends got to visit, anticipating ( not without the occasional shudder) an adult battery-operated implement in a brown paperbag, only to receive a years' subscription to Competitor's Frigging Companion Magazine, would have made my post as unpleasantly long and cumbersome as this sentence).

14 Comments:

Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Next time he goes on about it, you might want to mention that Jack Kerouac wrote his best work under the influence of amphetamines, eventually drank himself to death, and lived with his mother all his life. 'Beat Poet' is not necessarily a role to aspire to...

8:53 am  
Blogger digi-birder said...

I see you have the important appointment in, CP!

12:16 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

Colonic Irrigation..My WORD!

The BOLTON PINK BINTS would be a great name for a band..
and here they are with their number one song,
SHED WANKER BLUES!


Marko..POLO

6:54 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Mark, you know that, and I know that, but he's blissful in his ignorance.

DB - of course! I can now add a night in a hotel for Saturday too

HE - It'd go straight to Number 1.

8:35 pm  
Blogger digi-birder said...

my weekend is looking pretty full up now. Sat night Miners' Arms, Sunday Padley Paddle.

Looking forward to it muchly.

9:41 pm  
Anonymous Beki said...

What is worrying is that it made perfect sense to me!

9:59 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Diane - ditto

Beki - not sure if I should be thrilled or worried for you. x

12:35 am  
Blogger Melora said...

I like reading about other people's dates So much more than actually doing it myself. (Which is why I married Ed after two weeks, leaving all sorts of startling details to come to light after the knot was tied.) You look absurdly young and glamorous to have an independent sort of child like Jack. How old is he, anyway?
The boyfriends look (and sound) quite handsome. I think Sean Bean is quite dreamy.

You obviously need rest and relaxation much more than housework. Housework is pretty much completely pointless, since it never is done (although clean clothes and something to eat off are important), but rest and pleasant diversions are an investment in your health and sanity. Actually, I've been working at this desk for the last 13 hours, so what do I know? It sounds plausible, though, doesn't it?

Cordially,
Melora

3:30 am  
Blogger cream said...

Colonic irrigation, Cherrybabe!
A pain in the arse!
What have you got on Sunday, Paddle???

9:39 am  
Blogger Kate said...

Colonic irrigation . . . yes, I can see how that would be off-putting.

12:21 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Melora - 2 weeks? You just have to blog about that.

He's 15 ( 16 in a couple of months) and you're right, I am far too young to be coming out with some of the phrases that involuntarily slip from my lips, ( " Turn that racket down", " Do you have to leave every light on in the house?" " You're going out dressed like THAT?!" etc)

I'm with you on the housework - completely unproductive labour. There comes a point where it can't get any worse and a certain amount of bacteria is good for the gut.

But you sound like you should be spending more time at that pool and less at your desk x

7:44 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Cream - I've got my first ever blind blog birding bash. I was just trying a bit of alliteration. There will be no actual canoes harmed.

Kate - he wouldn't shut up about it. Needless to say, I have never sent him any referrals.

7:46 pm  
Blogger Ian T. said...

Those blank weeks should be a treat - if only they'd come at the right time!

12:15 am  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Yes, Ian. Like just when you've found the odd thousand pounds you'd forgotten about, or you've met someone who loves nibbling ears and feeding you asparagus, caring not if it makes your wee smell

1:53 am  

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