Saturday, November 25, 2006

9 Blogworld Road

I've applied for a house. It's lovely. Art deco with huge south-facing windows and a roof terrace overlooking a vast verdant garden that stretches down to the banks of a wide flowing river. The previous occupants were a gay couple, designers who created the most beautiful, witty living and party spaces you could imagine, lots of warm jewel soft furnishings offset by crisp white walls and polished oak floors and panelling. The en-suite in the master bedroom is a bit OTT, rather too much use of gold mosaic tiles, but the surveyor said they were real leaf so they will be staying put and the double-ended jacuzzi bath might be a bit redundant - it's too big to lie and read in, my feet wouldn't touch the end and I'd keep slipping under and get my pages wet.
There's a little boathouse tucked away at the bottom of the garden. I think someone might have been sleeping in it but there were no unpleasant smells or signs of substance misuse so I'll probably let it pass, at least until I can afford a little skiff for lazy Sunday afternoon floating picnics in the summer.
It's not the house that is the biggest draw though, fabulous as it is, but the exclusive location and neighbours. They are a lively creative set, possibly a little intimidating on first appearance given their obvious talents but I've already met a few of them and they are truly charming, warm welcoming folk. I can't wait to have them over for supper, maybe just a few at a time initially, get to know them individually, lull them into believing I'm a mild-mannered, polite hostess, given to occasionally raucous laughter but otherwise benign before unleashing the full-blown all-night party queen at the Official House Warming Bash in the Spring ( Bring Your Own Towel). That gives me time to practice some moves on the flagpole half way down the lawn.
The best bit is that there's no chain, no need to call in slimy estate agents, crummy conveyancers or bait my breath until my buyers sign a contract. I've already written to the Chairman of the Residents' Association and she's given me a free pass to the community until my references come through so I think I'm going to spend the rest of the weekend wandering around there, hoping to catch sight of the monkeys in the trees, enjoying the brass band as it marches up the street and generally smiling at everyone, hoping they like me and most importantly, spotting where the single guy lives.
There are still properties available to suit all requirements; it's tax-free, cost-free and you don't have to wait weeks for a decent builder. Maybe we can be neighbours.


Blogger kj said...

cp: get this straight. you need no references to move to the neighborhood. none. zero. your presence alone increases property values. i will be in the red barn, along with ces, waiting for you to knock on the red barn door. coffee and kisses will be waiting...


12:55 am  
Blogger Ces said...

I am coming over immediately. I will even bring a painting as a housewarming gift. I am so glad you are moving in!!!

Come to the the red barn anytime. You are always welcome.

1:00 am  
Blogger kj said...

ps your house is AWESOME. i can't wait to jump in the pool. and hang out with you. and swap outrageous stories. and lend a hand. and an ear. and be friends....


1:02 am  
Blogger Ces said...

Oh by the way CP, next week is Pet Week in Blogworld Road. So you may want to show off your favorite pet, any day all week.

1:07 am  
Blogger dinahmow said...

Cherrypie, you will love your new abode.
I noted (with some shock!) your hug deficiency.Now that you're on the street,in a manner of speaking, we will all give you a Blog Hug (blug?)whenever we meet you. Of course, blugs are appended to every post.This is a given.
So, you see, your account will, in no time at all, be "in the pink."
See you around...

1:08 am  
Anonymous G. Brown said...

Sorry to tell you, but I will be requiring Stamp Duty on your property.

1:13 pm  
Blogger Pete said...

sorry but you drunk?

2:53 pm  
Blogger Sharon J said...

I've sent your reference off, sweetie, and just know you're going to be accepted. Do pop over to the cottage for a mug of chocolate one evening, won't you? It's the one behind Caroline's lighthouse - the one with roses around the door, only they're obviously not blooming at the moment. I'll be waiting for you.

3:31 pm  
Blogger Frontier Editor said...

But do they take American couples with teenage boys?

7:15 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

KJ and Ces - I only chose No. 9 because it was next-door to you two. Your painting will have pride of place in the lounge and we shall admire it over tea and biscuits on a regular basis.

Dinahmow - thank you for the blug. I'm feeling better already.

Mr Brown, or should I say Tony-In-Waiting-And-Waiting-and... I think you will find that the transaction is exempt under Sch 52, S.1089(6) of the Blog Financial ( Reform and Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 2006 in that it is entirely fictional and therefore not a transfer for value. The Contract will contain the appropriate Certificate of Value and I shall be forwarding a signed SDLT Bl06 to Narrative and Customs Dept within 28 days.

9:08 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Pete - Don't try telling me you don't recognize make-believe when you see it. You, the sci-fi reading, Torchwood watching man that played Dungeons and Dragons by post! Tch!

Sharon - thank you ever so much. I'll be there as soon as I can - milk no sugar x


9:11 pm  
Blogger Pamela said...

Do I have to bring my children or can they have their own guest house?

9:47 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Pamela - your children can stay in the treehouse in the Cedar Tree. We'll let them in for breakfast.

9:57 pm  
Blogger Keshi said...

Can I be in-charge of the pool/spa? ;-)


3:43 am  
Blogger Within Without said...

Looks like you'll need a gardener to look after all that lush tropical greenery.

And if it's plastic, I can wear an apron and dust. It's hard to find good help nowadays.

4:11 am  
Blogger Pete said...

CP - I hate to disillusion you but I don't watch Torchwood and I've NEVER played Dungeons & Dragons let alone by post.

I was trying to work out WHAT Blogworld Road was. Any good birds?

7:45 am  
Blogger Caroline said...

I left a comment yesterday, but blogger appears to have eaten it.

So I repeat.

Dear Cherry Pie.

I am delighted to say that all of your references have now been received (especially Ces' talk of house prices rising due to your moving into the neighbourhood)and I am thrilled to welcome you to Blogworld Road.

Pop around to the lighthouse whenever you so wish and if anyone finds six pink elephants wandering around, can you give me a shout! I think that they are playing hide and seek with the monkeys!

Have fun,
Caroline x

8:56 am  
Anonymous g brown said...

You forget my Retrospective Virtual Stamp Duties Act (initiated under Statutory Instrument 1984).

I now note that house values will apparently be increasing due to your presence. I am therefore applying for a Profiteering Tax to be applied to all Blog Transactions.

These dues will be waived, of course, for anyone who is nice to my good friend Dave.

10:42 am  
Blogger Joyce said...

Oh. Now I'm completely intimidated. I must get on with my virtual liposuction and various implants, replants, and transplants. But, FINALLY we will land up at the same party at the same time.... can't wait

1:57 pm  
Blogger homo escapeons said...

How about some Canadians..we are very polite and aside from open wounds and abrasions from hockey fights we are friendly, fanatical about personal hygiene AND...

not only are we passive/aggressive conformists, we are culturally bankrupt submissives who are quite willing to adopt any foreign customs that you have to offer...
particularily due to the fact that we don't have any original identifiable characteristics of our own.

As you know we are primarily hewers of wood and desanguinators of beaver so our work is obstensibly out of doors and therefore we will be virtually invisible most of the time...just as we are to our present neighbours the Americans.
What do you say Guv we're really no trouble at all.

5:13 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Keshi - you are Chief Pool Manager, which means you get to pick the Pool Boys ;)

WW - as long as it's ONLY an apron and nothing else then you've got yourself a deal ( KJ -are you hearing this?)

Pete - you know very well what I mean. And it was postal Chess or something very much like it. Do I have to trawl your archives to prove it? You'd love the birds. We had an entire flock of flamingo this morning, blue ones ( they only eat cold water shrimps) and my bird table has been colonised by 3 Birds of Paradise, you know the ones that David Attenborough had on Planet earth last week. Wait til you see the Dodo down the lane too.

5:48 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

Caroline - thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll look out for the elephants and pop over to the lighthouse with my virtual bond as soon as I've finished unloading the van.

Mr Brown - are you refering to Blunkett? I might appear desperate occasionally but I'm not THAT blooming desperate! Or do you mean that cute young chap over in Norfolk? Now he is luvverly

HE -of course Canadians can come. WW's already here on his hands and knees helping to sweep out the place. Look - { oh! maybe you'd best NOT look right now. He takes everything so literally}.
You can never have too many wood-hewers although I'm not sure I have any need for beaver desanguination ( or the menopause as we call it in the UK) for some time yet. Besides, I need you to start the dancing at the party.

5:58 pm  
Anonymous g brown said...

Of course I meant young Dave from Norfolk. I've never thought of Blunkett as a Dave, somehow.

6:54 pm  
Blogger Within Without said...

I don't know if the Labour Department would quite approve of your proposed dress code, Cherrypie.

However, if the weather's as warm as your new house makes it out to be, I can't see there being any danger of anything freezing.

And what is it, aside from everything, that is taken so literally?

Seriously, mxspot is the word verification thingy

2:26 am  
Blogger CeCe said...

Cool! hee hee. Hey, your blog hasn't updated on my bloglines in AGES. I'm so far behind!

2:53 am  
Anonymous Dave Cameron said...

Please note that despite his libelous comments G Brown is not a good friend of mine and I shall be seeking retribution for the defamity to my good name through the Courts.

7:36 pm  
Blogger Cherrypie said...

WW - it's always sunny in Blogworld Road

CeCe - I've noticed comments on other blogs about the Bloglines updating problem. I don't know if it's because I changed to Beta but I'll have a look and see if I am doing something wrong.

Dave - I didn't know you hailed from Norfolk, although I have been to lunch at your brother-in-law's place before. I would have thought that gave you more than enough to worry about.

7:58 pm  
Blogger Dave said...

I live in the car just outside your house and would appreciate if you could bring me out a cup of tea to warm me up during the cold spell. I will be happy to mow your lawn in exchange.

11:45 pm  

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