I'm never satisfied. I always have to push things just that little bit too far. I think I'm so blooming clever, I get all smug and self-satisfied. And then I go and f*** it up and land myself flat back on my lardy sorry arse.

I finally managed to find a web image with a short enough file path/ address thingy to post a picture to my Profile. It wasn't one of a delicious, tempting big wodge of generously stuffed confectionary which would naturally have been my first choice. The only ones I could find wouldn't fit in the box, but it was better than nothing ( and a heck of a lot worse than some of the really clever ones out there). It was good enough to tide me over until I get round to buying a digital camera and checking out the delights that Flickr has to offer.

I didn't have anything to write about as absolutely nothing of any note, virtue or interest to me or anyone even as remotely bored as me, has happened this week. So I started hopping about catching up on a few Proper Blogs. I was merrily clicking on Links here there and everywhere, delighting in the diversity that is the blogging community, coveting some of the more carefully constructed pages, admiring all the infinitely superior writing when I went just that little bit too far.

I selected an icon which I thought was going to reveal the number of visitors a particular site had generated. It didn't. It took me to another site offering to provide me with my very own site counter. All for free.

I'm never able to resist a bargain, a freebie. And I'm vain enough to want to know whether anyone other than my mate and her Mum ever stumble across here. So I signed up. All I had to do was republish and ta-da! "Congratulations. You are the 5th person to visit this site ( oh! But don't count the last one really 'cos he mistook it for an award-winning fishing blog)" greetings would soon be gracing my pages.

I republished without incident. I'm competent enough at that. I logged out and back in, just as it had advised.

And now I've got an awful Leper Notice smack bang at the top of the page telling every body and his dog that I am such a cheapskate amateur goodfornothing wannabe that I have to upgrade my account if I want to link things to it.

I want to upgrade. Please let me upgrade. I'll be a good blogger. I promise. Just tell me, please, HOW DO I DO IT? I've searched all over the place and can I heck as like find where to insert my credit card details.

I am a Cyber Pariah.