I've made a start on my action plan. I have phoned a couple of diving schools and made tentative enquiries about Try Dives. Fortunately, none of the Dive Masters have called me back with firm dates and times yet so I don't have to seriously contemplate buying a new cozzy or depilating right away. ( As Dynamo rather too graphically pointed out, you wouldn't want to look like Harold Shipman in a dust mask!)

I am already taking tips from that small hardy band of swimmers that see fit to cross the Channel and ensuring that I have a good thick covering of goose fat. Of course, I'm not sure that they would recommend that it is taken orally but roast potatoes just taste sooo much better cooked that way.